the Rational Neurotic

I had it

2007-02-06T20:45:00.000+08:00

I've been pondering on whether to close this blog, because, well, of a few reasons that I cannot state here.

But as I look at my blog, and think about its origin, and what it saw me through... all the pain I shared in it... I cannot just close this.

So well, pissed off with the new blogger, I have moved. This blog will continue to be updated only at the links section, because I use this for my blog links. Perhaps occasionally I might spam it with pics of my cats or comics... but I have moved. Want the new bloggie? It ain't rocket science to find. It's public though. =)

2007-02-06T10:24:00.001+08:00

I am nothing with my O2 mini. I am crippled. I have a ton of stuff to do, follow up emails to write and appointments that I cannot forget. Now, at work I have my Outlook – syncronised to everyone else’s in the office for big ass internal meetings like the one in the afternoon that I am totally not ready for because I only managed to sleep at 5am and didn’t want to call my boss at 7am to take urgent leave so I’ll just probably fall asleep and tio tekan in the meeting later – to remind me of work appointments and immediate after work activities. But it doesn’t give me the overview I need, and I just feel continually crippled. I will *almost* never take my O2 for granted again, when it’s fixed and wifi ready.

When the moto ming comes (in a week’s time, woohoo!), I might just change my mind, because I cannot syncronise files and certain email attachments to my O2. However, (I know I’ve debated the moto ming vs O2 mini thing before) my O2 can go wifi leh, after it’s fixed. Now, cannot. My SD slot got fantastic problem. Haha. Wifi, means I can go online at public places on MSN to disturb people. Hurhurhur.

I love Motorola though, way before it was popular. Booyah.

2007-02-06T08:00:00.000+08:00

I don't think you'll read this. Haha. But if you do.. this is the song I found most befitting my feeling now. Hahaha. Because.. I am leaving my wishes on the sidewalk.

多少个秋,多少个冬/我几乎快要被治癒好
但还是会去因為一个重复的话题就无心自扰
也曾想过,若真遇见到/我们应该如何是好
我想我还是会站在某一个街角/不让你看到
只因為我不想打扰/只因為怕你解释不了
只因為现在你的眼睛裡/她比我还重要
我只好假装我看不到/看不到你和她在对街拥抱
你的快乐/我可以感受的到/这样的见面方式对谁都好
我只好假装我听不到/听不到别人口中的他好不好
再不想问,也不想被风知道/放逐你的世界我管不了
若不想问/若不想被风知道/就把祝福 - 留在街角

sorry

2007-02-04T12:07:00.000+08:00

you know you are fucked when you wake up with the stench of alcohol around your place. After a good dinner with my pop, a colleague came to my place. Somehow, things got out of hand - no, not the way you think - but we were so wasted that this morning, I realised that she had sent smses, from my phone, to many guyfriends of mine, among them, my buddy, my buddy in KL, and also Chuwen.

If anyone else had received such smses.. I apologise.

sat morning, 1.30am

2007-02-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

after waking up (I slept damn early cos I forgot how lousy I am at drinking) just now to remove my contacts and mascara, the only thing on my mind was

wah lau, that is a lot of bak sai

my bak sai is blog worthy.

anyways I'm up but damn shagged now. The house stinks. Need to clean up, esp the room and the bed because someone's going to take a look at the bed later.

Argh. I have too many clothes. Anyone wants to buy my clothes? 有谁来买我的衣服?

2007-02-02T13:49:00.000+08:00

this is a rant for the boy who is dating my best friend.

You friggin asshole. You have, on your hands, one of the most devoted girls I know, and you want to let your friggin insecurities tie her. She is tolerating you out of love, but you friggin do not get it, do you? She's a mature, thinking young woman, and you're a little insecure boy who is feeding on her love, wanting to make her your slave. Part of her beauty is in her independence.

Because you are insecure, you refuse to let her meet her friends, refuse to let her know more people. YOU FRIGGIN PRICK! Go be a enunch and harm the world no more!

Do not let me see you bullying her in real life. I've always respected her pleas to leave the men alone, but if I ever, ever, ever see you bullying her in real life, playing on her love... I cannot promise you that you'll have enough teeth to chew a hamburger. You friggin ASSHOLE. She deserves better from you.

I know what you look like. If I ever ever find out that this is continuing despite this warning, I will hunt you down and make sure you have shit for breakfast. I will hunt you down. I don't have to get physical to give you damage, but I can, if I want to.

And if I ever, ever find out you hit her, be prepared. Very prepared. In fact, you better flee the country. She deserves better than this shite you give to her, you fucker. You friggin ASSHOLE, you who have lack of intelligence and perhaps a small penis.

And if you think this is harsh, I've not told you off in real life. You ask her, I've made people cry, but I'm sure you'll find out for yourself.

friday, thank God it's friday?

2007-02-02T10:41:00.000+08:00

I hate wearing contacts. Without my glasses, I've just become a face in the crowd, another "pretty" girl. Perhaps, my glasses mould my identity, and my unique heck-care-I-got-a-booger-hanging-out-of-my-nose character.

anyways, I just realised that V day is coming. Not a big thing, not at all. Perhaps it's been overshadowed by the upcoming CNY. In fact, I was chit-chatting with a Lancome Salesgirl that day at Shaw's Isetan, when she lamented the fact that business had been slow. I guess the extended extended holidays last month really made us have holiday-fatigue in the wallet, or plain tired of shopping. No one I know is eager for "CNY shopping!" this year, which is a far cry from last year because I said, "I don't think am buying anything" and that got me warded in their mental hospital for being shopping-unfriendly.

Actually, if not for the fact that a prospect nailed that day for a demo (14th Feb? 14th Feb? Why like so familiar...), I wouldn't even have realised. Heh.

This week, I didn't really get work fatigue, you know, "shitcanfridaycomefasterzzzzz". Perhaps it's because I took leave on Tuesday, and perhaps also because a few friends came over for dinner and a movie on Wednesday night, or perhaps someone came over for a while last night. It's more of "Yay, friday, can wear casual" and "whoa, it's sat already tomorrow".

I need more of these weeks!

all curled up

2007-02-01T05:56:00.000+08:00

I finally had someone to curl up to tonight (he had been cranky). It was great laying next to him, hearing his breathing. I occasionally turned, and he twitched in irritation of the disturbance hurhurhur.

The best part about it was when he purred. The gentle vibrations were almost blissful! Who need uzap? I've got Alex!

obligatory title

2007-01-31T16:01:00.000+08:00

hate it. I hate it hate it hate it. The new blogger that is. Don't mind me, it's probably just inertia. And I hate it that they forced me to move. I should just moved to wordpress there and then. Hate the orange familiarity of blogger.

Hope this's PMS.

Meanwhile, my O2's in the workshop getting an extreme makeover. A cardiologist's ripping out its heart and putting in a spanking new motherboard. Unfortunately, I've realised how dependent I've become on Outlook and the PIM on it. Everything else was a huge plus. Of course, right after I'll get my O2 back, the new motoming will arrive (via my sister) and from having no choice, I'll have too many choices. But when you compare, O2's definitely more superior... I mean, Ming has no wifi! At least O2 has a choice to add wifi. Ming's using a microSD card for extension, and it's UNDER the battery. How dumb is that? Obviously, a wireless SD card would be out of the question. However, I think that Ming's definitely geared for office work - perhaps I'll be more productive from now on?

Talking about productive - I only did like 3 of the 1000000 tasks I'm supposed to do today. (Previous record is nil while more tasks pile up.) Nescafe (with milo - the way I like it) didn't come through for me. Perhaps my body's tolerance has increased! Next up, alcohol. I don't like to puke after one bottle of beer. (Yes, you heard me right - long were the days...) >Meanwhile, I've been aching to pick up a ciggie again. I am aware of the implications, but man, for that one fag! I didn't really allow myself to be hooked because there was this one time... and its hold on me shocked me. I had a lot more willpower then. Now, I'm just an addiction ridden slut.

And by the way, Gramaphone at International Plaza's closing down. They have thoroughly spoilt me. They actually reserved The Nanny 2 for me, knowing I love that nasal voice. Talk about initiative!

Coffee time!

so this is the new blogger. well, bah.

2007-01-31T01:01:00.000+08:00

I hate it when Google forced me to upgrade to the new Blogger. I liked the old one, I knew what the new one had, and because I didn't like it that's why I didn't change it! *grumble*

anyways, I saw this off someone's blog. Found it a tad interesting. However, lack of options meant that the answers were not too accurate and it's an online quiz, so I wouldn't read too much to it, and it's not too accurate. For one, I WOULD vote for a conversative candidate if I agreed. I don't apply labels, or try not to. But this quiz is fun anyways.

Your dating personality profile:

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Funny - You laugh often. People never accuse you of lacking a sense of humor. You don't take yourself too seriously.
Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you.

Your date match profile:

Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart.
Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Liberal
2. Funny
3. Religious
4. Big-Hearted
5. Athletic
6. Outgoing
7. Intellectual
8. Practical
9. Wealthy/Ambitious
10. Sensual

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Religious
2. Funny
3. Conservative
4. Big-Hearted
5. Practical
6. Intellectual
7. Adventurous
8. Athletic
9. Shy
10. Traditional

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz.

Anyways, I'll be getting the MotoMing a week after my O2's fixed. damn, shouldn't have bought it! I just realised that it would mean giving up my wireless, my MSNMobile, etc. =( Just because it's new couldn't make up for the wireless. Ah well. At least I'll work harder with it!

Talking about working.. I haven't ~~started~~ finished the report! I've got a lot of work to do, and perhaps I'll have some coffee for breakfast so I can speed things up. =)

3 more days to the weekend

2007-01-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

yes I'm on leave today. But no, I didn't go to ECP. I actually missed my medical appointment. I was too tired - I actually fell asleep within half an hour of reaching home. Alex's fever came back, and I wanted to coax him to bed, so I hugged him.. after a while he fidgeted away from my grip. I was so tired that I just lay there in my work clothes and fell asleep. Sometime through the night I woke up and removed the bulky skirt and other stuff and went back to sleep. I woke up at 7am, but after lying in bed for 10 mins I realised that I was way too tired to go.

I managed to do all my errands today, and fixed my best friend's PC (ok, I brought the guy who fixed it to her place, and bought him dinner to thank him), went to my mum's place for lunch and arrange some stuff, etc etc.

I wish for more days like this: cake, drinks, a comic book and a nice comfy sofa to sink in.

the, what, 5th post for today?

2007-01-29T17:05:00.000+08:00

You know I’m terribly bored. Yea, I have a lot of work but the lazy bone’s in place. Just an hour left to knocking off and wow, have I wasted today or have I wasted today? At least it didn’t seem as horribly sian as some other days. I have a lot of work!!!

Yay, on leave tomorrow. Boo, no one to go ECP with. Ah well. Perhaps I can finish some of the spring cleaning and then finish my work! (suddenly I am reminded of my childhood, where when I forgot to do my homework, I’ll take MC then finish it off. Hahaha)

Things haven’t changed much ;p

There is another Zeus!

2007-01-29T14:26:00.000+08:00

ya la ya la I know that this is like 1 and a half years too late... but I just wanted to try.

So...... does this mean I'm god-like?

Congratulations rationalneurotic, you are...

Cowboy Caleb of cowboycaleb.liquidblade.com

You are smart, loyal and sensitive. You are also very caring towards other people and you help them out whenever you can. You are very passionate about your line of work. You fight for your beliefs and if someone doesn't agree with you, you argue your point of view across in a very convincing yet diplomatic manner. For that, you earn respect.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

无底洞? Is it the same for you?

2007-01-29T10:29:00.000+08:00

I know I must have blogged about this a million times.

But after so long, I know not what my heart feels. Doubt and a whole hoard of questions swarm me, and I worry making the wrong decision. Do I, or do I not? Is it just lip service? Do I feel it? Can I feel it? Can I feel anything? The irrationality overwhelms me, I question myself to no avail. Some say, aiyoh, now is just shallow only.. how come think so much? I know. I'm paranoid and distrusting of myself I guess. But I do enjoy the interaction. I just hope it's not all I enjoy: the smses, the smiles, the little comments across the group that only the both of us pick up.

I was fucked up for a while a few months back. I was fucked up for a long while a few years back. I'm starting to think singlehood is good, besides the occasional emptyness when your friends are all cooing in pairs or cold nights where snuggling makes it perfect. But I refuse to pass 'judgement' like that - it must come from the heart, any emotion and decision. However, I hate it when L.O.V.E. turns and screw me from the back.

I know that it might not amount to anything, but just to satiate me... at the risk of losing it all.. is it 无底洞 for you? I actually hope not, but please think it through.

Are you fond of me for me?
Or do you like me just because I'm there.
Am I an oasis or a mirage?

有时寂寞太沉重/身边彷佛只是观众/你的感受没有人懂
难得谁自告奋勇/体贴让人格外感动/爱上他前后用不到一分钟

*嘿回想恋情的内容/有谁想过有始有终/不过是一时脆弱让人放纵

穿梭一段又另一段感情中/爱为何总填不满又掏不空
很快就风起云涌/人类的心是个无底洞
尝试亲吻尝试拥抱或沟通/没有好感再尝试也没有用
大多数人都相同/喜欢的只是爱情的脸孔
没有谁背后怂恿/不该爱又爱的冲动/是你害怕孤单而拼命补充

my monday so far

2007-01-29T05:36:00.000+08:00

I slept for barely 4 hours next to Alex when I woke up, groggy. I'm never totally comfortable sleeping in his room. At a mind-numbing 5am, I made my way to my room, just to hear a symphony of sounds coming from my tummy. A worry came up - one that will continue until something else happens, and I just lay there, unable to sleep, needing to sleep. Furgie stared at me with her wide beautiful black eyes while Linus watched me cover myself in desperate coldness. The weather nowadays!

I'm resigned to the fact that I don't think I can sleep immediately. A spattering of thoughts invite my mind, some I welcome, some I detest, others I have absolutely no emotion about. So I go to my living room - to finish my "Greatest Stories of Batman!" - and I turn to a corner to see Chappy sitting next to a puddle of pee. In my living room. In a corner.

Just 5 hours into a monday and I'm already praying that the trend does not continue.

be my valentine? Significance haven't sunk in, more busy tsk-tsking at my fur-laden blanket.

it's going to be a bad monday

2007-01-29T00:26:00.000+08:00

I have some major work to do, but I've put it off until now.. And guess what?

I cannot find the vital attachment because of the server problem last week that wiped out a whole week's email. Hurrah!

this is foreseeing the future

I am so gone.

my little haven

2007-01-28T12:28:00.000+08:00

So it's Sunday morning. I wake up next to Sunshine, and Furgie's sleeping on my desk, hearing Linus whine intermittently outside my door. I let her in and Furgie climbs onto my bed next to me.

I go into my brother's room and cradle Alex in my arms, he's the only one that likes to be literally hugged to sleep. He purrs, and Chappy climbs onto the bed, licking him and me. I'm trying to encourage Alex to sleep more because he just recovered.

I go to my recliner in the living room and pick up the Newpaper. Chappy followed me, she does that often, I often have to guess for what reason. Kiwi's asleep on the chair next to me, probably tired out from her efforts to go out after last night's adventure. She had followed me around, meowing whole meows (and starting to sound like Alex). Perhaps she really liked my neighbour's garden - she hadn't gone into it before, she rarely goes into this direction in fact when she runs out or when I walk her. She's covering her eyes now, it is days of peace like this that I feel content and happy at my little haven, with CSI playing on the TV and work to be done after reading my Newpaper on the Lions' exploits (woohoo) and a comic book on the Greatest Stories of the Batman from the library, just next to me when I'm just tired of the screens.

The dryer is running, drying for the 3rd time the load that I had to wash 3 times yesterday because of the washing powder residue.

It is days like this... that it all seems worth it.

Operation SpringCleaning

2007-01-27T18:16:00.000+08:00

I can't get the cover on! Damn it, get it on, get in on!

My easychair's cover, that is. I popped it in the wash and spent 20 mins after it dried trying to remove the fur that didn't get washed off. Now I can't put the sponge back. Sunshine's going to nail me.

I realise everytime I have a major cleanup, I get some unknown injuries. The last time, when I scrubbed the floor, my knuckle went sore and raw. Now, I have a small cut on my hand. The funny thing is that I never remember how and when I got them and I'm probably poisoned heavily by bleach because of this.

Damn sian loh. So I'm half done and irritated and tired (because I got home at 5 plus am last night and woke at 9am when my neighbour's dogs barked and barked and barked) and cannot sleep and don't know where to put my stuff so that my cats don't destroy them before I finish my springcleaning tomorrow and...

I can go on and on. Damn.

The weather's cool and I can think of a million things to do at home instead of going out but all of them are better if there's a certain someone to snuggle with... like watching DVDs.

*grumble*

update: right after I finish for the day (just halfway la) and start clearing the trash after my bath, as I open the door slightly, kiwi runs out and as I was too stunned to react, by the time I reached the 1st floor (in my big tee and underwear, and nothing else: I wasn't expecting to go out!) she had run into my neighbour's unlighted garden. I strain my eyes to see those patches of white on her feet and mouth and chest on her otherwise totally black body, and trying to hear her little squeak-yelps. I ring the bell, there is no answer. I knock, running from the front door to the garden and back to the front door, feeling totally naked, hoping nothing suddenly scares kiwi and makes her run and hence having to search for her around the estate in my nakedness. Finally the living room light comes on and a young man comes out to my sheepish explanation. He opens the garden gate for me and I dash in, picking her up and running away from the apartment, apologising as I flee.

update (2): right after I pick kiwi up and reach my apartment (I grounded her in my brother's room with Alex, the one that she's afraid of), I realise that I have a growth (pimple? bite) on the tip of my lips. The numbness around it is spreading a tat, and the paranoia in me is back. The feeling of the thing is familar yet unfamiliar, both at the same time, and I hate it. To make things worse, my left chest have been giving slight aches over the days and just now, and once one is triggered I start convincing myself I will not make it through the night. Sheesh, I should have just paid for someone to come clean the house.

after the fun comes the price

2007-01-27T09:46:00.000+08:00

Have been singing a lot of karaoke with the barflies recently. Last week, we had a surprise thingey with Princess at her workplace and thereafter we met up with some others for karaoke. It was quite fun, having t h e s e people around. Then because the session was so short, angel, modernburrow and I went again on thursday, and KingMeng, Lex, Cowgoesmoo and I went again last night. We are mad, I tell you, we are mad. I reached home only around 5 plus and slept at 6. At a punctual time of 9, the neighbour's dogs started barking. I was thinking of 放猫咬人, or more of 放Alex咬狗.

Actually I had a good time last 2 weeks. I had lunch with Mandrake and KingMeng at Amoy on Monday, watched the Forbidden Chestnuts and before that surprise thing with Princess, we had an "official" one for her at JBar where she was promptly sabo-ed by the band (at our request). The band was pretty sporting (but damn slow, because they only started after I left). Then on Friday, Westin and Fusheng came to my place to have a Pasar Malam food feast. We were pigs, I tell you! Then came mahjong. Being the one with the worst stamina, I went to bed early while the guys continued to watch soccer up to 4am before letting themselves out. Then, of course, on Saturday was Princess' thingey and the rest of the weekend was spent sleeping and having dinner with my Pa. This week had been one laden with Sales Demos, which is good and Karaoke! Hahaha.

I've got to clean my place up, like now. There is a LOT of work to be done. I am on the verge of hiring a cleaning co to come do it if the price is low ;p SpringCleaning part one!

drat, double drat!

2007-01-25T10:05:00.000+08:00

I've been spending my time at work (besides working, of course) on the bar and the time at home hypnotised by the Boomerang channel. It really reminded me of all the fine cartoons I saw as a kid!

the ant hill mob from the perils of penelope pitstop

I took Kiwi out for a walk yesterday. She was hesitant, walking slowly at first, then running and stopping, running and stopping. She sniffed deeply at the things she choose to sniff at. I tried to imagine her experience - sniff - intense smells. Isn't it sort of like when we go clubbing and we get overwhelmed with sound? I wanted to tell her, relax, slow down, you have all the time to smell, and all the senses to enjoy, but she continued going up to something - sniff deeply - on and on. I enjoyed watching her do that, letting out her little yelp-squeaks, sometimes with question marks at the end.

I smsed the exboss just now, asking him about the progress of his intended expansion of the business. With a lack of staff he can't do much, he replied. I had referred a friend to him, but she's malaysian and he doesn't give CPF and also he doesn't have enough employees to make up for that number, and locals cost too much "just like me". He had intended for me to work for him before, except I have no interest in that industry (and he's not going retail) and he was intending to pay me the same amount as he did 5 years ago. It was embaressing rejecting him - after all, I did ask him for a job - but that was just too low. Anyways I suggested to him that he might want to hire perhaps some lowly educated (as in formal education) aunties with basic admin skills since that's all he needs (and is paying for), and he comes back with "you very highly educated meh". Talk about sour! He knew that wasn't what I meant. I guess he just felt annoyed because I really couldn't accept that job - it wasn't just the money - and I cannot work at that rate anymore, unless it's what I used to do exactly, running outlets. But back then I was young and naive, and payment is satisfaction was enough. I mean, it's not wrong for me to ask more since I've gathered more experience! There are 40 year olds asking for twice my salary with less than my experience and that's because it's pegged to their previous pay and "they have more working experience". That, he's ok with.

I've got a lot of work to do, but my lazy bones had just been activated! Drat.
For some reason, the connection to the bar is slow! Double Drat!

overheard in Singapore #195

2007-01-22T14:11:00.000+08:00

some guy, to some other guy:

Wah, why so big?

This is so wrong. So so wrong.

windows to your soul

2007-01-21T16:01:00.001+08:00

I am naked in front of you,
when you peer into my soul.
Those eyes of yours
Seeking
Seeking
And I know not what to show
I am baffled
about what this all means
when you look at me like this
when you look at me
with those eyes

What are you trying to tell me
Do I mistake them for love
Do I mistake them for interest
Perhaps just mere curiousity
But you stop me
There and then
Just wondering
About what this all means
with those eyes

Found this old poem haha. So corny right. But it's true... what are you thinking when you look at me like that?

I've said it before

2007-01-21T13:41:00.000+08:00

to some guys, there are only 2 types of girls (figuratively speaking). The "soft spoken, gentle and submitting" type, and the unreasonable kind. Suck monkey's ass la.

I'm definitely not soft spoken or gentle or submitting (like, "oh dear, whatever you say is right") but in my past relationships, I've never insisted I was right. It makes you wonder how friggin small some men's minds are!

Actually, I rarely had fights with my exes. I'm just weird la. I'm not like some girls (and I know some of these personally) where they don't allow the guy to go out (WTF?!), or hang out with his friends, or pursue a money-wasting habit. I may, however, raise objections if the guy is taking drugs, drinking so much that I have to preserve my liver to donate it to him soon, or smoking to a point where I can't stand it. But these are valid objections, because I intend to grow OLD with my man, not be widowed at a young age.

But harlow, if you're in the wrong, frigging apologise, whether you're a female or male! The best friend, however, apologises more than her man, her fault or not. Some people blame the girls all the time. Can you imagine that she had to change all the male names in her phonebook to female names? And I know an equal amount of unreasonable men as women. You may even be one of them. Go blow your mind out.

Relationships were the minor focus of a couple of conversations I had with 2 people yesterday. I was telling them that I don't blame men for not being attracted to me (well, duh) because I'm not the run-of-the-mill long-hair-sweet-smile-maybe-wind-blow-will-fall-over-oh-I-need-someone-to-send-me-home-please-flutter-eyelashes kind of girl. Although I'm peeved that the only men that were attracted to me had no intention of being with me, I can live with that - being myself. I have had phases that I was too vain for myself, and I had to watch my behavior.

If I really like you, I'll go out with you in my tatty berms, no makeup (you guys know what that stuff does to your skin??!! I'll put in on if you put it on too), and I'll burp too. And don't let me hear about the "wear skirt/dress" thing. Wah Lau. Give me an occasion and I'll wear appropiately la! Wah Lau. I'll wear what I want. You don't see me asking you (a figurative you) to wear a tux for a simple dinner at Turquoise Room, ya?

I am an equalist.. haha. I often told other girls that if you want to earn equal pay (which won't happen, because of NS, which the girls didn't have a choice), you bloody well pay for your pak tors too. Wah Lau.

It's no wonder men love me, but just as friends. Hahahahahahahah.

heart pain

2007-01-19T00:47:00.000+08:00

it's happening again. it grabbed me in the morning. now it's spreading to the back. bah.

to wake up in the morning? yes, please.

insults

2007-01-18T13:38:00.000+08:00

I wonder.

What’s it to you?

Anyways, had a meeting just now… my demo failed on me. =/

Hopefully later it works.

Later going to JBar (again) and meeting with Princess and Lex, and don’t know who else. Yay =)

post Chestnuts

2007-01-18T00:15:00.000+08:00

anyways, I just finished watching Forbidden Chestnuts with KingMeng. No, not ah meng.

Anyways, we caught it and boy...

my cheeks are still swollen now from all that laughing.

Nothing was sacred.

By the way, we were discussing why they were called Chestnuts... and our dear KingMeng said,

It's Chest, and it's Nuts! Why not?

sign that you have been doing OT too much

2007-01-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

I saw nincompoop online, at 10.30pm.

me: doing OT ah? or watching Singapore - Indonesia match?
nincompoop: no I have this bad habit. I like staying in the office after work.
me: now you're just being sarcastic.

it's forbidden!

2007-01-15T20:28:00.000+08:00

Under the strong encouragement of Mandrake, I'm going to catch the Forbbiden Chestnuts! with the very lovely KingMeng.

How lovely?

Wowee. *whistles*

singing in the rain

2007-01-12T01:04:00.000+08:00

I took the bus home today, partly because I thought of taking the train back, and partly because there was no cabs to be found. So I ended up waiting for 97 and taking 100 because I missed the previous buses (2 in a row). Ironically I changed to 97 in the end, not 963.

When I got off it was still raining. I opened the umbrella. The zen micro was playing 明明很爱你, and suddenly I was the female lead in my self-directed MV again. Was it the song, or was it the rain, or a combination of both? The empty overhead bridge allowed me to sing out loud. I half danced and half pranced to my place, even daring myself to twirl around once in a while.

I felt in love. Hormones, I knew The Faithful Non-Boyfriend would say. I wanted to have that feeling of love, no, this was not the pretence of love: it was the real thing. But this was the one with the most pretence: the highest level of pretence.

But you know what? I don't really care. It felt great.

The rain, you're great today.

don't poke me

2007-01-11T10:45:00.000+08:00

I dreamt that I took an injection last night. It’s very sketchy, but I remember I was not afraid. Rather, I was quite surprised that I wasn’t. I was poked on the back of my hand again, like the last time, and I remember saying that I don’t want to try it on my forearm. Then I recall pondering about how come I’m afraid to pierce my ears?

Everytime, I try to recall the strange relief when I finally had my blood test. But until I have to do it again, I rather not.

an open letter

2007-01-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

You know something? After you left, I was seething. Bubbling with anger and self-hate, because of you. It wasn't worth it, a friend advised. Obviously, but you made me feel so cheap that I almost believed it.

I won't let my pride come in the way here. You left. I was upset. But I'm glad that you left, because I don't know what might have happened if you didn't. Don't pretend to care about me, I know you don't. I've felt that perpetually, continually. But I enjoyed being friends with you, and friends we will remain - I do not forsake friends - but all conversations will be online or over the phone, texting. I will never meet you again. I will keep today's events in my mind strongly.

To think that I really liked you. You know, I really thought, at that time that we had something going on. You could have fooled me. But I guess the pretence of love was too shabby and you realised that really soon. Fine, I'm ok with that, nothing's perfect. You didn't have to make me feel so worthless time and time again. One good thing about you, though, you never trumpeted your own triumphs to put me down, and that I respect.

However, I've seen through the facade. What I hoped to be a joyous time of movies and dinner tonight came to an abrupt stop when you left, and to that, good riddance. You know, one thing I'm glad about tonight? You did the dishes.

So I wish you well. And what happened tonight will serve a good lesson to me. I learnt it the hard way, but I hope this remains in my mind a long long time. God bless, if you still believe and abide by Him. I hope you do. We both really need Him.

coffee, king!

2007-01-09T16:31:00.000+08:00

Effects of drinking coffee to me:

1) Farting.

2) A whoosh of energy – suddenly I don’t feel like a kid trying to bluff my way through the adults’ world at work anymore.

3) An incredible fear (brought on by an innocent comment in the bar) and probably a panic attack coming on later.

Stupid, stupid stupid stupid.

Meeting L for dinner later. Woohoo it’ll be fun to see what’s going to happen.

trimming down financially, the MrBrown way.

2007-01-08T11:19:00.000+08:00

So here I am, about to make a drastic decision based on my career, financial status and heart and guts, wondering why I am forced to make it in the first place and what can be fixed about it.

Is it my career? True, I have worked for 5 years and have been forced to change industries frequently. However, I am in a good place now, will I actually work my ass off?

Is it my heart and guts? Argh, this is complicated.

So it came to my financial status. It is NOT a deal clincher, but it IS a significant factor. Damn, how do I get myself into such ruts again and again? To the words of a dear friend: "how come you're still broke?"

Tsk tsk tsk.

So with mrbrown's weight loss plan in mind, I'm starting my own financial weight loss weight (or weight gain plan, if you get my drift).

I'm going to cut down on my financial laksas, char kway teows and teh pengs, and increasing my financial exercise. The problem is, as with weight loss, the "trimmer" you are already, the harder it is to lose weight. If you're 200kgs, you can drop to 80kgs in the same time frame as a 80kg person can drop to 60kg, so to speak. I'm a cheapskate by nature, so where does it all come from? So here's the plan:

1) Appetite Suppressants

Take a friend wherever you go. In my case, take another fellow cheapskate when you go shopping.

2) Cutting down on the good stuff.

I had to find out where the weight was coming from! So I actually "calorie-watched": I have a expenses spreadsheet to see where each dollar came from. Now, how I know every dollar counts? I once went grocery shopping and ended up paying $100: most of the items were about a buck or two each, a few ranged from 5 to 7 bucks and none were more than $10. But the spreadsheet only confirmed what I already know: I spend most on taxi rides and good food (about 20 per pax). I am a cheapskate mostly in shopping, but I can splurge on CDs and books, and household stuff (Cordless Drill! Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme). Taxi rides are sometimes compulsary, given my condition, but there are times where I can avoid it... like not going out at all. Good food is hard to avoid because when friends gather, we tend to go to restaurants. Something must be done!

The other stuff that I spend on on a consistent basis are stuff like magazines and bills. I can't save on my electricity because the flat that I stay in has old wiring, and that takes up more electricity. I refuse to cut on my tithes (well, duh, it's money-spinning! and a great investment) and my phone bill's mostly for work and my company pays for it. What I can cut is cable (my brother recontracted, damn, but I'll get the most basic plan) and magazines. I'm going cold turkey for the latter, but I might cave in and buy an 8days or two.

3) Exercise more

This is tricky. I can't invest at the moment, but I'm going to plan about it. Also, working my ass off so I can get more money, that's the only thing I can do now.

Let's see how this works, ya? I've give you a report. The thing about publishing this is that I'll get increasingly nagged, and I won't be able to buy this present I've wanted to get a friend because he'll read this!

Damn. ;)

forgiveness

2007-01-05T11:32:00.000+08:00

when they said that angels are all around us, I never thought that they would communicate via MSN.

A long time ago I added faithtoh to my MSN... I can't even remember why. But now I know why. There has been a person I could not forgive - not for her sake, but for mine. And I've been upset over it, because, as a Christian, you should forgive and move on... and forget about it as well. But I could not. It troubled me. I terribly wanted to, but I could not.

I think what she told me really helps... and I rarely acknowledge people helping me move on like that. Hahaha.

an excerpt. I hope it helps you the way it helped me.

her:
and i've learnt, the hard way, and like now, i'm being reminded... that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, their remorse or their wellbeing etc
it also has nothing to do with them recognising and asking for forgiveness i want it to be
its easier to feel vindicated and have the chance to look at the other person and feel validated when they admit they're wrong
but i've come realise that if i have to wait for tt to happen, then i'm allowing the pain to continue and the hurt to keep biting at me
its not like forgiving is easy
forgiveness isn't also abt condoning and accepting what happened
to me, forgivness is saying : you did a nasty thing. you're too damaged to even realise what you did. but i don't need you to realise it. i don't need you to be a better person. i'm letting you be the sad, unaware person you are and moving on and forgetting all about you.
u get what i'm saying?

me:
I know that it has nothing to do with them asking for forgiveness. In fact, I believe that forgiveness is for the person forgiving, not the person being forgiven.. to a certain extent. but it's more of wanting to forgive and cannot let go, rather than not wanting to forgive. I do long for the day that I read news about her and it means absolutely nothing to me.. and walking past her in stores without wanting to scream *********** in her face, whatever vuglarities that might be..

her:
u know what helps me?
recognising that this person is damaged
and nothing i can do will change that
and if i attempt pursue this state where one day she will admit, then i'm placing my happiness, my wellbeing, in her hands
i'm giving her power
and i don't wanna do that
i don't wanna carry her around with me all day, all weekend
worse, i do'nt want to carry latent anger inside, and allow it to make me bitter, distrustful, wary of other ppl just cuz one stupid woman is too damaged to know her own faults.
wah... she really win big time liao lor
and i helped her!
so i am thinking all these thoughts and it makes me resolve to do other things
distract myself
i'm going to enjoy my weekend, and everytime a thought of her enters in, i'm going to say "swoosh" (for real... hahah its a technique i heard about years ago) and wipe my hands like i'm wiping a white board clean
then i think abt other things
maybe u cld try that
u get a nice happy thought
then everytime u walk past something that reminds u of that person who hurt u, u do ur own version of a swoosh
dun give them a chance to steal any of your precious time

Because sometimes... you just got to move on. 2007 without hate? Could it be possible? =)

overheard in Singapore #271

2007-01-04T16:12:00.000+08:00

Some girl, at some guy's house:

It's not long enough!

(except that the guy was my buddy, and the girl barely knew him...)

See this and this.

gender genie

2007-01-01T19:18:00.000+08:00

Got this off lancerlord, and decided to give it a shot. It's quite fun, actually, if you experiment with different posts.

My results vs the post (look at the date too):

Male
Male
Female
Female
Male
Female
Male

How about you? I'm going to tag a few people, just for fun.
What say you, chuwen, princess, cowboy, currytan, nadnut?

headsmackworthy #4354

2007-01-01T19:00:00.000+08:00

From the one we call Princess:

*Princess Veron* Jobless, boyfrenless, but not without love. says:
wad we eating later arh
i wan eat imperial treasure leh
me says:
wah
expensive leh.
*Princess Veron* Jobless, boyfrenless, but not without love. says:
hmm
i forgot
me says:
hahahaha
forgot it's expensive?
*Princess Veron* Jobless, boyfrenless, but not without love. says:
yahs

see this too.

are you in or out?

2006-12-31T16:24:00.000+08:00

Bad idea to watch Cocktail knowing that my hands still itch to mix. Ah well. I had dinner with a friend in the business that day, and hearing his complaints gave me such an itch to get back in. Damn it.

They say, you can never leave this trade. Haha.

raising duncan - either you're in or you're out

fear, part 623482

2006-12-31T03:33:00.001+08:00

Bleeding.

Stomach?

Fear.

Wake up tomorrow, please.

2006-12-30T19:56:00.000+08:00

to be able to tell you to your face, "do it yourself" without feeling like I don't deserve it..

to be able to tell you to your face, "I deserve more than this" without feeling like I'm being disrespectful..

to be able to tell you to your face, "I don't fucking care".

brrrrrrrr

2006-12-29T22:46:00.000+08:00

words of wisdom from the cold one:

Kingmeng work in bank meh? He work in the zoo mah. King of ah mengs mah.

pearls before swine

2006-12-28T08:54:00.000+08:00

I woke up as usual this morning, to my delight, not (that) late. I had to take a cab because by the time I finished ironing my clothes, a bus trip would make me late. Luckily for me, a cab was whizzing by the gates of my place.

Unluckily, the last time I checked, my bank account was plain empty. I had some cash, but stupidly, I left it at home. With just 5 bucks in my wallet, I was praying that one of my bank accounts had enough to cover for the card swipe for the ride. Thank God it did.

So I got to work, and reached my office pretty early (it's normal for people to stream in slowly from 9 plus to 10 plus). I sat down, switched on my spare laptop (my work laptop is still being fixed, for 2 weeks already), and guess what? The internet can't be used, or rather, it was too friggin slow it's as good as unusable - most pages timed out by the time it was half loaded. I had a demo at 11am, so I tested the system as per procedure... to realise that it can't work. The fact that the net was down, I was broke (I was planning to take a train to the client's place) and the demo couldn't work just made my plain miserable. Thank God my prospect was kind, she allowed me to reschedule - I can't go for a demo when the demo can't work!

So now, at the spare laptop (which is signed for by my colleague), I'm blogging from Outlook Web, trying not to scream or chew off someone's head. I spoke to the payroll person - they messed up my bank account number (I mean, there has been successful credits all the previous months, I have no idea how that can happen), and I have to accept a cheque, which, by my company's speed, will come tomorrow, meaning I'll get my pay only after the 2nd of Jan. Whoopee.

And on the personal front, I'm increasingly pissed at myself and someone else (who is reading this, so I cannot say who), and things I cannot mention. I can't even confide to my blog, and this is increasingly irritating - I am thinking of spinning off my personal stuff to a lagi anonymous blog.

So, I really need some coffee. Oh shit, wait, I don't have cash for Starbucks [call me atas, kopi can't give me the caffeine I need to relax]. I think I'll beg for a fag from my colleague. It might give me that much needed drag.

ps this post better go through, because the last time I tried to blog via mail, it sent back some error message. If it fails, I'll... I'll... I think I'll need a ciggie.

happy hour

2006-12-21T23:57:00.000+08:00

a golden quote from angel at JBar today:

He's not long, not at all!

(or something like that)

Some random pics (from angel's excellent phone cam)

we can't finish this!

food food food!

pretty paper flowers from a pretty chick

dell

2006-12-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

Dell, in my family, is a dirty word. After what happened to me, none of us will ever, ever, ever buy Dell again. I don't even want to link them because their URL will taint my blog.

I'm glad I am not the only one who thinks that way. Apparently, it also pissed the creator of this vid off.

text link here

family survival kit

2006-12-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

I'm sure this is not quite applicable for the holidays in Singapore, since the government has tried to encourage us to stick together and the island's too small. But if holidays bring out the worst in your family (I'm sure it works on 'friends' as well), try this.

2006-12-20T13:28:00.000+08:00

the humanistic aspect of Christmas has never been so strong as this year. Yea, of course, being Christian, it is still all about Christ. But this year's extended public holidays rang an echo with me.

It's all about friends and family, you say? I laugh. If only you knew why.

But I still hope you'll have a great Christmas, because it IS a time for friends and family. Cherish them, cherish these times where everyone takes a pause to appreciate each other amidst the crazy parties and gift swapping.

Because, after all, at the end, it's all about them (and, to me, God).

For me, however...

谁又骑著那鹿车飞过/忘掉投下那礼物給我/凝視那灯饰只有今晚最光最亮/却照亮我的寂寞
谁又能善心亲一亲我/由唇上来验证我幸福过/头上那飘雪想要棲息我肩膊上/到最后也別去么

Ｍｅｒｒｙ，　Ｍｅｒｒｙ　Ｃｈｒｉｓｔｍａｓ/Ｌｏｎｅｌｙ，　Ｌｏｎｅｌｙ　Ｃｈｒｉｓｔｍａｓ/人浪中想真心告白/但妳只想听听笑话
Ｌｏｎｅｌｙ，　Ｌｏｎｅｌｙ　Ｃｈｒｉｓｔｍａｓ/Ｍｅｒｒｙ，　Ｍｅｒｒｙ　Ｃｈｒｉｓｔｍａｓ/明日灯饰必须拆下/换到欢呼声不过一剎

明晨遇到/亦记不到/和谁在醉酒中偷偷拥抱/仍然在傻笑/但妳哪知道我想哭
和谁撞到/亦怕’生保’/宁愿在醉酒中辛苦呕吐/仍然在头痛/合唱的诗歌听不到

The worst type of loneliness the kind where it is the most obvious when you're in a group.

tribute to Nodell

2006-12-17T03:01:00.000+08:00

First thing first: I never knew who the author was, and never really cared, until I read this. I absolutely love the Green Lantern, being a superhero that was given powers, as compared to those that were born with it or needing gadgetry (like Batman or the Green Arrow), and used it to the world's benefit. Of course, he had to because of the responsibility placed on him, but also because of the fact that he has to account to someone... although not unlike a certain world leader.

Nodell was not the original author, or the 'inventor' of Green Lantern (although he is credited as the creator), but did contribute significantly in his progress. Green Lantern of today(on Justice League on TV) is a African-American man (almost all the others are caucasians, there is one Martian) that had tackled much sensitive topics.

Kudos to you, Nodell. May the Green Lantern's spirit live and infect the world.

aack

2006-12-17T00:54:00.000+08:00

I am screwed.

I kenna this hair-in-throat feeling. I've drank a lot of water, ate some chocolate, downed an entire can of coke and burped my lungs out. It's still there, at the top of my mouth, right where I can't reach it. Because I gag easily, I can't even poke a finger down to pull it down even if I can, by some miracle, see it.

My kitchen smells like cat poop, cos I forgot to change the litter today morning and was out nearly the whole day. By the time I reached home, it was too dark. Yes, the light in my litter room has gone, and I haven't changed it (note to self - need to change it ASAP!), and hence I can't change the litter...

My house's a mess, plus Alex had a bad tummy upset (I only think it's him, cos I saw him puke once recently), and there's watery shit plus dried up puke on the floor. I seriously need to clean the house, including my room (it looks like a new refugee camp, only messier).

I am so going to get a panic attack tonight. Hope I survive. Hope I'm alive tomorrow. Too complicated to explain in detail.

Update: I just puked. Choc+a cookie I just ate came out. I tried to feel for a hair, but I couldn't. Argh. I'm now downing an entire bottle of iced water. argh.

cathy: the original aack-er.

how some people can be evil

2006-12-13T06:55:00.000+08:00

growing up I was kenna naive and innocent, so I could never understand how someone would want to intentionally hurt someone else - yes, I did tell on my sister, but I didn't always feel smug or gratified when I did, in fact I often offered to share punishment: my point was always that something was wrong, not that she did something wrong.

When I grew older my mean streak grew, but most of the time I never really want the person to feel that bad. Perhaps I'll just suan them (and get suaned back). I remember my first taste of really 'hurting' someone and shocked that I savoured it. I guess I'm not so innocent and kind.

And everyone knows that in blogging, there are people who aim to insult. I mean, fine, if you're so bored, what can we do? Blinkymummy was one person that had to tahan that.

There was a mini insult marathon on my friend's blog. I cannot understand how someone can pointedly wish that another's unborn would be a stillborn. If you hate the person so much, go ahead and insult her, but the baby's innocent.

The most shocking thing is that the offending party is a mother too. I pity her kids.

At least when xx insults someone, she leaves her name behind. Have you ever wondered why most of these people are anonymous commenters? Oh wait, they don't have a blog? At the rate that some of them go, it's not surprising - they spend all their time on other's people's blogs, hoping to see some response. It's like one of those bully things from school, but there's a difference. These people are cowards. I remember an Enid Blyton story where children will look into a mirror and it'll reflect their real reflection back (the magic mirror). I also remember one reflection was a rat, and the mirror owner said, "You are the worst kind. You'll bully the ones smaller than you but am afraid of those bigger than you." or something. These people are like these, and you'll be really surprised at it: they'll comment on how wrong others are, wish their unborn retarded, and when the same is reflected, cry bloody murder, perhaps, because, the others deserved it and they didn't.

In the first place they don't even read properly before jumping to conclusions. I've done that. Once you're caught bluffing in that sense, you'll try to cover your tracks and do even more stupid stuff. It's never ending.

It's easy to admit that someone is wrong, just as long the person is not yourself.

with reference to my MSN personal messages

2006-12-13T00:09:00.000+08:00

Isn't it funny that the only people who asked (in case it was them) were those who weren't?
Isn't it funny that those that I've meant the messages to mean something to mark me rather low of their list of existing thingeys?

bonanas: the irony escapes me

I don't know why I care. There is a fine line between being righteous and being self-righteous. Coming to screw me up about the messages without asking whether I'm alright or not?

Oh wait. I must matter less. Oh silly me, I forgot.

sally forth: not worth it

tongue-tying

2006-12-12T23:17:00.000+08:00

ben

It's ok, I can't pronounce abominable as well.

tired

2006-12-12T18:06:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired.
So tired of asking you out and getting rejected.
So tired of having to tahan your comments.
So tired of being 2nd.
So tired of not being important.
So tired of being on-call.
So tired of your sometimes stupidity.
So tired of your pointed words.
So tired of having to hide.
So tired of having to hide what I really feel sometimes.
So tired of trying to be nice.
So tired of having all these and end up alone.

So tired of all these shite.

I'm so tired.
Yet, in the Lord I must persevere. In the Lord I draw my strength.

ever have one of those lives?

2006-12-11T21:57:00.000+08:00

It happened again. After a good time at IMM with chuwen [he has crush on a sweet young thing! hahahaha], although there were no cute guys to be seen, I reached home and immediately it came back, that feeling.

Then fear started when furgie started scratching at the floor for nothing. I don't know why I started to fear... then I saw one piece of shit on the floor.

I didn't know whether to be thankful that it was something or shout at her for shitting on the floor.

pearls before swamp

I have no mouth but must scream ©

long lost relatives #52618

2006-12-10T15:27:00.000+08:00

arte johnson

Steve Carell

Arte Johnson played 'Cousin Edgar' in Bewitched (albeit one episode), while Steve Carell, once newsreader, is now way-to-great comedy actor in The Office (US) and the 40 Year Old Virgin. If not for the obviously glaringly different surnames (or like you westerners say, last names), I would have thought they are related, ie Father and Son.

linus

2006-12-10T14:52:00.000+08:00

linus always seem to know when I'm upset.

she sat on the TV again, falling asleep in the warmth of the electronic heat and the sun's afternoon rays, looking at me, cleaning herself and eventually her eyes slowly closed. She tried to fool me that she wasn't looking at me, until I realised that she was peering under her eyelids, before she realised that I knew too, and shut it tight.

Even on normal days she does the sweetest things, as if giving me assurance like, "I'm here, it's alright." I feel guilty day after day, and last night when I slept in my room, I realised that she wasn't there and it felt weird.

I can't wait to move, and one of the biggest points about that is that I'll be able to devote much more attention to her then.

Simply can't wait.

you understand?

2006-12-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

wanted to blog about what a normal day I had, and how happy I was about that and then some of my feelings and thoughts on related stuff.

and then I received an sms that made me quite angry, sad and irritated. I thought about blogging about it.

now, I'm just.. I don't know how to describe. So perhaps I'll blog about these some other day. But yea, I'm alive, and I'm alright.

herb and jamaal: He knows, alright.

I'm sure she said the 8th

2006-12-09T03:05:00.000+08:00

my dasao told me that my brother would be coming back for a weekend from the 8th. Well, it's already 3am, and he's not back. I keep hearing numerous taxis and cars come into my carpark. During 9pm, there was a false alarm when Alex suddenly mewed very loudly as if my brother was downstairs and then he ran to the door, waiting. I unlocked the door so it'll be easier for him to come in, but up to now.... nothing.

Just to let you know, I did ask my dasao about what time would he be flying in, but I guess she was too tired/busy to reply.

I could have sworn it was him! Serious!

loneliness

2006-12-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

I try not to self-diagnose. I am prone to that and hence take special care now to allay paranoia.

I'm quite problematic. Recently I've been feeling void, empty, lonely. People who know me well know what I can never quite fit in, and I've learnt to not struggle to make my voice be heard in my family.

In fact, I'm starting to prefer to keep to myself. This has gone on for a couple of years, but never stronger. Unfortunately, when I do see an opportunity for me to finally have a voice, I sometimes overcompensate. I can't help it. If I could, I wouldn't have been miserable in school, not having friends, not having real close friends.

So loneliness I am prone to. And the worst kind is the type where it strikes you while you're in a group. You chat, you talk, you socialise, but you know underneath it's all empty.

However, this month it has been odd. I've been telling friends online that I just want someone to hold me. Then, last week, a friend came by to game with me, and after all the excitement about Halo, right after he left, it came right back as if it just recovered from the 'pause' function. I started thinking about when this started and approached it with a step-by-step checklist, forcing myself to be downplay the actual feelings in my heart just in case. Then I saw an article in the Newpaper and it matched my initial suspicion.

Coincidentally my follow up with my psychiatrist was in the same week, and I started sharing with her, in a controlled manner: no more verbal vomit!. I wanted her to get my facts in a logical manner, and I sort of hoped I was wrong.

She confirmed it: I have mild depression on top of my GAD.

She explained to me that depression and anxiety disorders are interlinked and treated according to which symptoms the patient shows and to which end of the spectrum the patient is more inclined to. Actually, suicidal thoughts are only in more serious cases, so please don't worry. She also explained that it was common for patients to move along the spectrum and may have symptoms of both disorders.

I never felt more relieved. I seriously thought that I was a problem case! Heh. At least I know what's happening, and feel so much more in control now. All these senseless feelings of loneliness and void (it'll come at the strangest times and in the strangest events), the loss of concentration, the losing my train of thought way too often (and not being too coherent)... I'm not nuts! It's not extraordinary Alzheimer's! It's not something that is so rare that it'll be a gone case!

There are days where I sit in front of the work laptop, squinting at the Post-It notes of my prospects on my cubicle wall, and cannot remember if I just called them. Haha. I guess I have to stop using "I'm old liao".

The thing about loneliness is that it is a very awkward and unique emotion. Think about it this way: there is rarely a good reason for loneliness, besides breakups and the sudden loss of companionship - you always had someone there for you, but now you're all alone; and by alone, I do not mean physically. And because I had ample case-studies about friends and me, I conclude, but do not hold it to my word (because I cannot afford a lawyer or to be dragged into a long intellectual conversation on why I am wrong):

Loneliness is a state of being. It surpasses the control that an emotion has over a human, and behave in a generally different manner as compared to other emotions.

Ok I just lost my train of thought again. Argh. I'm not very crever already, and this happens. Ah well. At least I can blame my (increasing) bad writing on it! Hahahaha.

Suddenly craving for satay. Damn.

witch

2006-12-08T03:09:00.000+08:00

I've been watching too witchy shows. Over the week I've browsed upon (and watched because there was absolutely nothing to watch on the other channels - it wasn't even nice) at least 2 witch shows: T*witches (which is based on a series of books) and Sabrina (cartoon). This is on top of the DVD box set that I've rented. Bewitched, season one, and in black and white no less!

I'm going to rent Cheers (they got season 3 and 4 I think) and have already finished the Nanny's first season. I love old sitcoms.

chili padi

2006-12-07T22:30:00.000+08:00

you all know nadnut right? the damn hawt girl? I absolutely heart her, and because I'm so bored, I made a new banner for her.

now, isn't that true? *grins*

fear

2006-12-06T18:06:00.000+08:00

you have any idea what's it's like to live in constant fear?

fear of things that WILL happen, but perhaps not now.

the constant worry that it'll happen today, later, now.

I'm getting afraid to go home, although I long to be in my comfort zone again. just that I'm afraid that I won't survive the journey back. even now, my most "comfortable" form of transport - taxis - have been influenced. I'm going take bus now, my illogical rationales, haha.

daily, deja vu - it irks me, it scares me, it shocks me.

words like home, go, leave, rest, goodbye...

it frightens me.

See you guys tomorrow.

wolf in sheep's clothing

2006-12-06T12:39:00.000+08:00

please don't say you're a model agency if...

...as talents, models and some would double up as social escorts. They are available for business and leisure.

It continues:

Our girls are educated and speak well. The selection criteria are very stringent like any other modeling agency. The girls’ poise, beauty, charisma, fitness and ability to converse well are taken into account. We also look at the girl’s warmth, courtesy, friendliness, ambition and background. Any hint that a girl may cause any embarrassment or dissatisfaction to our clients at any time is out rightly rejected.

We hire girls who have every reason to be 100% discreet because they are either students or with professional careers and we train them to cater to the whims and fancies of a gentleman. Each one of our stunning and sophisticated girl is a young girl, fully committed to ensuring that the time you spend with her is most fulfilling.

Just say you're pimping out whores, stop trying to look so atas.

Escort Services

Some of our models and talents choose to keep important clients companion with the highest confidentiality and secrecy. Only very attractive individuals and those with fantastic attitude are allowed to do escort assignments

Gift Bookings
Need to entertain an important guest or client? The company and our escorts place high emphasis on attentiveness and service quality to our clients. They are trained to deal with and fit into all sorts of social business settings.

Breaks and Vacations
Taking a few days break, a week or more vacation? Feel free to get in touch with us to discuss options. All of our escorts have current passports and are available for international travel.

Evening and Overnight
You want a to spend an evening at the theatre or a concert and have private time after that, or simply wish to have a gorgeous girl keep you company in you room overnight.

And the most outrageous of this "Talent and Model Agency":

Escort Rates - Price indicated includes all other service charges. No other hidden or extra charges for anything that happens behind closed doors.

If that's not whoring, I don't know what is.

Does your company sell sex?
We do not sell sex. Our services are meant for adult entertainment. Whatever agreed & consented are between 2 adults of legal age and money exchanged is for companionship only.

It's agencies (and some 'employees') like this that give modelling a bad name, and shame or force some girls into "social escorting" due to some contract shit. By the way, if you were duped into signing some contract, you can rescind it. Don't say, "oh what to do, you think the police will care?" before you actually try it.

By the way, if all you're doing is persuading people to buy beer, don't call yourself a model. You're just an atas salesgirl. They may be clotheshorses, but at least they work hard for that.

things to make certain well-known bloggers spit out their coffee if they are drinking any

2006-12-05T16:17:00.000+08:00

Tell Mooiness: "I like your blog! You're so funny! You're just like KennySia!

(not that there's anything wrong with that)

Tell Blinkymummy: "I like your blog! You're so funny! You're just like xiaxue!"

(not that there's anything wrong with that)

Tell SibehSian: "I like your blog! You're so funny! By the way, I think you're pretty!"

(not that there's anything wrong.... ok, wait, there is.)

Tell LMD: "I like your blog! You're so funny! You're not auntie at all, even if you're very old!"

(not that there's anything wrong.... ok, wait, there is. She's a beautiful woman. Stop being jealous)

Tell Cowboycaleb: "I like your blog! You're so funny! Are you gay?"

(not that there's anything wrong with that)

Tell Nadnut: "'netnut', I like your blog! You're so funny! Have you finished secondary school?"

(not that there's anything wrong with asking, but you better make sure the reason why you asked is because she has a beautiful youthful face)

(for goodness sake, please, I'm just kidding. These bloggers here, I love them, and read them probably almost everyday. Blog spats are serious nasty shite. But then I'm sure if you start flaming me, that's a sign of me having arrived.)

not smart

2006-12-05T13:51:00.000+08:00

I went for a follow-up with the psycharist and ended up late for work after lunch. Fortunately, the nurse today was understanding - she saw me fly in, so she said, after my "set appointment for me now, can? I'm late for work, send the bill to my house." She said, "just go, I'll send both to your house."

Unfortunately, I had medication to take and hence off to the pharmacy it was. After the same "I'm in a hurry, so sorry" explanation from me and a bemused smile from the unruffled pharmacist, I waited for my medication. The same pharmacist called out my number, and asked me if I took the medication before. I nodded yes, and then she asked,

how do you take these?

I was taken aback, no one asked me this before. But I was in a hurry! So I said, honestly,

With water

*smack head* Not smart.

I apologise for the lack of delays. I'm trying to be a hardworking girl at work. After a twist of fate (and unexpected payouts), all the financial planning I have done did not prepare me for this: I have less than 100 dollars for this month, on Christmas, nonetheless! I'm glad that I've decided to tighten my belt already last month and hence have stocked up on groceries (sponsored by my dad - I must be the only person in the world who fights with my parents because they regularly try give me money.) I've more than 50 dollars only because I had to ask a certain friend to pay me back - not that I wanted to, she needs the money more than me, but because I really needed it now. So all these Christmas wishes... will have to wait until next year. Goodbye, bicycle... Goodbye, new pda phone... Goodbye, sofa... Goodbye, new knife... Goodbye, moving out before June... Goodbye, 5 papers even if I could cope with them. The only lack of money is due to the fact that I didn't tithe for quite a while. See, God works in mysterious ways!

cartoonstock: don't look at me, all I want is for that business deal to come through

only married people allowed on iCell's network

2006-12-01T09:55:00.000+08:00

I was at iCell's registration page, trying to get free wireless broadband, because, you know, I am cheapskate.

Then I came to this:

Here's a closer look.

bleah.

changes

2006-11-30T17:43:00.000+08:00

I know I'm supposed to be hard at work, but I couldn't help it.

I did a little change to my blog today, and see if you can spot it!

Btw, click it to let it chase the mouse, and click it again for it to go back to its corner to sleep.

Spotted this at her blog. Her husband's one of those on my links, btw. =)

chill

2006-11-27T23:04:00.000+08:00

it's raining. normally the ideal is to snuggle in bed with someone with a good book and a warm cuppa.

I'm thinking of taking a cool shower. heh. I'm lying on my tummy, on a thin mattress of the floor. Would love to have a tatami but my cats would shred it to bits, or worse, pee on it.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a cold shower, some aromatherapy candles burning around, a couple of cats on my mat and some nice sitcoms playing on the telly? Of course, having another someone in the shower scrubbing my back, lighting the candles, caressing my cats and having an extra pillow (his tummy, flat, preferably!) to lie on would be nice, but well, this isn't all too bad. =)

Seinfeld: sure nice on cool weather

Medication

2006-11-27T10:28:00.000+08:00

I’m eyeing my medication, a little nervous and apprehensive on whether I should take it. My therapy has ended, not enough I have fully recovered (even if there is such a thing), but because my therapist is leaving Singapore for a year and I chose to not continue with another.

I had a near attack in the morning, on the bus; it was not so much the gasping for air, but the logic meltdown in my head again, of God and life and death and afterlife, and I nearly exploded inside. The fear grew, though oddly unfamiliar, not because it has not been visiting me (it has), but because it seems to be a different form. I am unsure, and am afraid that this fear would take on not just different mediums, but different forms. I am already afraid of so many things, I can’t even take the train. But I’m so tired…

This fear, however, is different – it does not tie into these reservations. Can I really take a flight, albeit a short one? Can I really have an operation, albeit a minor one? Can I really, really, live, despite all these?

Minor victories are huge. I won’t let myself take one step forward and two steps back. I know I cannot do this alone, but only with God, I can.

ps. Thanks for all the comments for the previous post. I think some of you mistaken that for a negative post. Actually that was a happy post. TV was not a comfort, but rather, a form of ‘medication’ if you know what I mean. For me to be able to survive on non-tv means I cut off that ‘medication’ and survived. =) Thanks for the support, and please continue to read.

品冠, 品冠, I heart you.

2006-11-25T12:42:00.000+08:00

friends who have heard me rave would know that I have a soft spot for Malaysian boys, especially if they are shy/geeky.

Hence, I'll declare myself a slave to anyone who can personally introduce me to 品冠. I'm a tad lazy to explain why, but I won't say he's the perfect man (well, God, that's reserved for just you), but I like him. Heh. Argh, those smiles, those eyes, the glasses, and the image he portrays (I'm realistic, haha).

品冠, from your 光良品冠 days, I've always noticed you! I've got your first solo album (even though it wasn't too hot in Singapore).

This is as teeny-boppy as I'll get. Hahahah.

mini victories are huge.

2006-11-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

I don't know how many friends read this blog, and how many of these are from my church. I never fancied myself a blogger that appealed to the masses, although a high hitcount from my nation's blog readers would be a nice feather in the cap - you know that what you write is relevant to the "masses".

So those that have been reading my blog regularly would know that I have GAD. The main concern is death, and what it brings. Friends have been tried to "talk me out of it", and as well-meaning as they are, if I could have been talked out of it, it would have never happened in the first place. Don't ask me how I got it - how does one get depression? how does one become bipolar or have Schizophrenia?

Because of this, I have stopped drinking (not that I was a great drinker in the first place), and tried very hard to stop drinking caffeinated drinks, which was not easy, because although I was not a huge fan of Kopi, I like the occasional Starbucks Latte, and I love drinking soft drinks.

I recall once, not long ago, I had a recurring pain on my lower right abs. Of course, the immediate fear was appendicitis.. (I also had a recurring pain on my left chest, which brought more fear, which I do not wish to delibrate) Every doctor I saw for a while (around 4, I reckon) put it down to stress after I revealed I had GAD. When I finally managed to see my doctor (I went to his clinic, and got a substitute instead, who refused me the ECG), he understood my concerns and systematically gave me medication after going through some questions. The main point is that medication to relieve bloating and encourage erm, shitting, made me have a near panic attack that afternoon. I called up the hospital's pharmacist to check if these would have caused it, because I don't think that my doctor would have given medication that have reacted that way. She was rather surprised and said that it shouldn't have happened. It was only yesterday that I got curious at another medication (to help me fart) that I realised that certain antacids (actually, certain components inside) can cause mood changes. It was probably amplified in me due to GAD.

Friends would also know that I use TV as a distraction (distraction is a technique encouraged by therapists, esp at the beginning stages) and sleep in front of it as a result. I have grown significantly better, and hence will track mini-victories. I do not wish to forget how lonely I have felt in the beginning, not because I felt no one understood, but because no one actually understood. You never actually think you'll get better, it becomes hard to foresee any future, at least for me.

I did not switch on the telly at all today. I was listening to music, and my
colleague had put my playmode on my zen micro (which was another mini-victory in itself) in "Play All Music", and Praise and Worship came on. I became happy, even joyful, although whether this turn is just due to hormonal swing again is yet to be seen.

Today I deleted his phone number for good, and am glad I did so! Step by step, to a normal life again.

yay.

lunch

2006-11-23T13:50:00.000+08:00

an average bowl of laksa, crappy topics and great laughter with friends.

that's a fantastic lunch.

empty-headed

2006-11-21T23:33:00.000+08:00

Watching Tom and Jerry reruns on the Cartoon Network.

A bit empty-headed.

Trying to be busier at work... haha. More tomorrow.

how not to borrow clothes for an audition

2006-11-17T02:42:00.000+08:00

apt3G: 11th November 2006

I don't like to feel like...

2006-11-17T01:08:00.000+08:00

...a discarded condom. Or a rental DVD. Or a Boyband.

bonanas: fat hope.

raining on your parade

2006-11-15T22:12:00.000+08:00

So you know those guys where there are storm clouds following them wherever they are, even if they are indoors? They are not just unlucky, it's a gift.

I mean, how many people you know can be miserable 24/7? It's easy to learn, but hard to master. Being miserable is the only way they can be happy, no matter how ironic it is.

somethingpositive: not very.

I think if you can, you should make money out of it. In fact, if you can, if you only have that ONE talent, please, milk it for all its worth.

Did anyone hear that a certain Wee was earning endorsements for tuition centres? Be elite. Study at xxxx Tuition Center!"

thanks nadnut

2006-11-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

it's "Nutnut" not "Netnut" by the way. Haha. I'm still trying to pronounce it properly, but for this dearie, I can!

She put up the pics for the dinner on sunday already. Go check it out!

when will it end?

2006-11-14T19:55:00.000+08:00

for better or for worse: please?

for those still fighting, but involuntarily, you have my sympathies. I pray that the fighting will end soon, the killing of brother and sister, the betrayal of father and mother, and the slaughter of sons and daughters.

terrible

2006-11-14T16:09:00.000+08:00

for all the things that are shit that are happening now, for all that shit that have happened, and the cowardice:

it's not you, it's me.

and I know it.

just realised...

2006-11-14T14:53:00.000+08:00

...that I'll never be as important to you as she did, even if she isn't now.

to you, you and you.

furgie speaks

2006-11-14T10:56:00.000+08:00

干妈's a tad busy, or so she says. Actually I think she's supposed to be busy, but finds it a tad hard to do so. Slacker!

Anyways, that day her friends came and tried to lure me out of the room. Harlow people, can give me some space? I'm a gentle sweet thing. I'll come out in my own time. Haha. I don't like too much people, and stop trying to bathe me again! I'm clean already! See, I'll lick myself!

Last night 干妈 came home around 11 plus, but Mummy just left! I miss my Mummy and Daddy so much. 干妈 says Daddy's in Jakarta, and Mummy's going to visit him again. Mummy sayanged me a bit. I can't wait for Daddy to come back, and then Mummy will be here all the time again, but 干妈 says when that happens next year, she'll be bringing Linus and moving out. Why can't she take Kiwi? Kiwi always whacks me... Linus is just unsociable. I'll miss 干妈 and her tummy rubs, and I'll miss sitting on the lap in front of the fan... I still have nearly a year to enjoy that!

dinner

2006-11-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

We consumed:

1.5L F&N Funky Apple
1.5L F&N Orange
0.58kg of Salmon
Whole block of 125g SCS Butter
0.646kg of Aussie Rump Steak
0.2kg of Chicken Mince Meat
0.3kg of Pork Loin
0.2kg of Pork Mince Meat
0.17kg of Streaky Bacon
50g of Double Brie Cheese
250g of Portabello Mushroom
200g of Brown Mushroom
700g of Onions
200g of Red Capsicum
175g of Yellow Capsicum
250g of Cherry Tomato
275g of Aussie Broccoli
100g of Thai Asparagus
3 stalks of corn
500g of Baby Potato
6 Eggs
4kg of Charcoal
1 Riesling
A lot of Aluminium Foil
A lot of water (to my bill!)

etc

and we had a lot of fun =)
Check out nadnut's blog for any pics on it.

This was the 1st dinner I hosted at my place, and it was, well, considered a success? =) Of course these were the guinea pig batch haha. There'll be more to come, and I hope each passing sessions boast of better food. =) And, the next time, I need more cash donations! Heh. Thanks to contributions here and there from each of you sweet people, like charcoal, a great tasting tiramisu, TLC in prepping the food, setting the table, wine, etc...

Next time, to the next time!

coca cola, oh coca cola

2006-11-11T16:14:00.000+08:00

I was at cold storage yesterday when my companion brought to my attention something that I've been seeking ever since I've been told that Caffeine's bad for my GAD.

caffeine free!

How does it compare? For someone who prefers Coke Light (no lemon please!) to the normal Coke, I was skeptical, especially after said friend MSNed me with,

"taste the same! KNN!"

Isn't that good, then? Heh.

Well, if you ask me, if tastes less sugary, although there is a weird subtle but distinct taste of corn, which is weird even if "high fructose corn syrup" is a listed ingredient.

But, in one word...

Nice!

home, home on the range

2006-11-11T13:12:00.000+08:00

I went home just now. My mother cooked, and I tell you, I haven't had such great tasting white rice for a long time. The food wasn't great, but boy, I took joy in that familiar-tasting comfort. =)

My mum also amended my pants for me, and 2 of my tops, and saved me a great deal of money when I took some of her extra disposable plates and cups, and a bigger saucepan than what I have (since I've been fond of cooking for friends!).

Of course, she went on about me moving back. Mothers, ever so cute. However, it wouldn't be "so cute" if I actually stayed with her again and fought everyday. So to you who do not understand my family's relationship and think I am being super unfilial by staying on my own, stick your myopic self-righteousness concern up your ass.

The funny thing about growing up, is that we all wish to be kids again. But I recall being a kid was not as fun as it seemed, and I couldn't wait to grow up! Can I just stay 16 all my life?

fborfw: I was never this obnoxious.

On a side note, my dishes never seemed finished.

great pasta

2006-11-11T10:06:00.000+08:00

sometime this week I was promptly rejected by Lex and Anodize and was left with just ahmit for dinner. Not that I'm complaining, he makes great company.. just that the 2 first-mentioned people later showed up at Holland Village... anyways...

So we decided to have pasta, and ended up at The Riverwalk's Ricciotti. (I think I got the name wrong the first time).

Besides the fact that their species of Tiger Prawns are smaller than my thumb...

nothing else was wrong! Their pasta was fantastic. It was better than Al Dente, and cheaper than it too (about 20 bucks per person). Half off all pastries after 9pm too =)

I definitely want to go back again.

one of those days

2006-11-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

pearls before swine

why is it that the days that you really don't wanna be alone, no one else is free?

stickgal

When I say "no one else is free", I mean no one wants to go out with you, even if it's doing nothing at your place.

peanuts

if you thought I was bad

2006-11-10T07:58:00.000+08:00

Check out LMD's post about her ex-boyfriend's house. To those that had come to my place before, it's nowhere as disgusting hor!

not quite Botak Jones but not bad at all

2006-11-10T07:33:00.000+08:00

Best friend wanted to try Botak Jones on Monday. So lo and behold, when we arrived, a bit starving, we realised that it was closed every Monday. We discussed it and decided that we should go have prata, but at the junction, we sidetracked to a coffeeshop near Clementi CC that sells quite good Fish-Head Beehoon (or so it's supposed to be).

Anyways, we ended up eating Western... and it was quite good!

huge ass condiments

It's a bit blur, but it's Yilmaz Western, next to Clementi CC. There's a Hong Kong Zhen Zhu Chu Chao there too.

get it up, get it up

2006-11-09T14:05:00.000+08:00

It's always like this.

I worked quite hard in the morning... then I went to get an early lunch, because there was a meeting scheduled at 12.30, and if I waited to have lunch after the meeting, I would be late for the 4.30 meeting. (No joke. Meetings rarely start on time in my company).

So, I went to get lunch with 2 of my colleagues.

I know lex will gag at this.

Then halfway through lunch, my boss smses my colleague,

Running late. Postpone marketing meeting to sales meeting later

(which is the one at 4.30, which is also understood by the sales staff to probably start at 6.)

After lunch, I couldn't start working again. I wasn't sian. I just... wasn't working. I was thinking about the humongous pile of work at home and the fact that I know I wouldn't finish all of them at home and deadlines and quotas... and then I went to 7-11 to get...

by golly, it's great chips.

I need to go for late lunches so I finish more work in the morning. Haha.

on a side note, I'm farting. hahahahah

I need a new laptop

2006-11-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

long overdue!

eye candy

2006-11-08T13:54:00.000+08:00

after a hard day at work... it's pleasing to have your favourite local celebrity greet you at the mrt station, even if his face is distorted in a half grimace.

adizero, thank you! vincent, you can grimace to me any day... I'm better than Ling Lee, honest!

everybody loves lateness

2006-11-06T20:40:00.000+08:00

I'm not a fan of Everyone Loves Raymond, but today's episode (code 0314) was the funniest ever: about the ever lasting debates of women using the bathroom longer than the men can wait. (Not me though, especially when everything is ready)

Debra: You used to think I am worth waiting for!
Ray: Yes you were! But after 15 years, you would think that you'd be here already!

Ray: what time is it?
Robert: It's 6.25.
Ray: Do you have 6.26?
Robert: I will have in a minute.

It's also about the delivery. Normally I feel that it's a bit forced, especially from Ray Romano and the mum, although the actress acting the wife is really not bad. But this episode is quite good. Perhaps because it's Season 8 and hence they have better 默契.

you can't judge all just by the actions of a few

2006-11-06T16:18:00.000+08:00

This is something really happening nowadays. Look at how Islam's image has suffered, how certain countries are being judged, and how our country's internal image has suffered due to just that few black sheep.

It is indeed something that is happening nowadays.

Been having some tough internal questions about mates of my own faith recently, seeing how much of a hypocrite I've become, as a Christian. I understand why some of us come across as irritating, self-righteousness people, but doesn't mean I condone it.

something positive: it is heartbreaking [never confuse the faith with the supposingly faithful.]

sometimes, we are just anxious to share the goodness we have. we may overdo it, like excited little kids. The best kind of evangelism, however, is by living it, not shoving one's ideals into another's. If we just forced our ideals upon others, we are not much different from those crazy extremists that kill in the name of their god, whoever it is (I know Islam is a peaceful religion).

None of us are totally innocent. Yes, our lives may have more meaning, but it's subjective (like who's good looking - I think Angelina Jolie is hideous), especially to those who are not in it. I think... tell them what's good, but admit what's bad? I don't know.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3, NIV)

In the ancient laws of Israel, adultery was a crime punishable by death.

John 8:3~7
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

Then where does the difference between good old criticism and forceful imposition lay?

Look inside your heart, I guess. I'm not some guru, I ain't that wise, as much as I hope to be. If I had the answer to the world's problems, and I could actually solve it, I would. But to know the limits to one's self is a good thing normally.. I know this argument is scattered and probably sounds really weak (gavin, please help!), but I'm sure all you smart people understand me. Just... Do Not Judge. We all do, but it doesn't make it right.

peace out. =)

not that I have anything against her

2006-11-06T10:04:00.000+08:00

But this is hilarious. My friends who know her personally vouch for her niceness, and honestly I believe them that she is most probably a nice person (since I don't know her personally), and she is a great person, offline. However, I couldn't help laughing when I read this in 8days (issue 837-Nov 2, 2006):

Not that all girls hate Wendy: "For every hot-blooded army boy who like Xiaxue, two or three girls hate her...."

Harlow, reporter, please get your facts right! The last time I checked, that kind of definition is used on girls like Jolin and Fiona Xie. And... for every hot-blooded army boy I know that reads her, I can tell you that they don't read her blog for her looks, which is a good thing. Lastly, the list of people that I know that don't read her blog (or maybe any other blogs for that matter) include both male and female, and some of these males immensely dislike her.

Besides, she's not known for her beauty (ie, people go to her blog just to beo her), she's known for her, erm, writing?

Can don't say like we're jealous of her can? I, and the rest of my friends, ain't. =)

paul still manages to do it

2006-11-06T02:20:00.000+08:00

cheer me up, that is... without even trying.

paul says (2:21 AM):
what's gad?
gadget aquisition disorder?
must get the latest stuff all the time? then obsessed with it till cannot slp?

rationalneurotic says (2:23 AM):
hahahaha
you damn cute
generalised anxiety disorder

paul says (2:24 AM):
ntthing valium can't help

rationalneurotic says (2:24 AM):
haha, I refuse to take.

paul says (2:24 AM):
then dun generalise it lor
make it one cause
then just blame that one

rationalneurotic says (2:24 AM):
hahaha
why you so cute

paul says (2:25 AM):
blaming life is good

thanks, man =)

the secret...

2006-11-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

...isn't that hard to find out.

zits (18th Oct 2006): =))

immense...

2006-11-05T17:25:00.000+08:00

guilt.

pets can do that to you

2006-11-05T15:46:00.000+08:00

for better or for worse: pets do the darnest things. just check for wet butts.

level of stupidity

2006-11-04T12:10:00.000+08:00

When...

...isn't quite enough, get this:

Things are never what they seem

2006-11-04T10:29:00.000+08:00

On a Claire Day: if you gave me a buck for everytime this happens to me, I think I can buy a condo, fully paid for.

retribution is...

2006-11-03T21:10:00.000+08:00

...when you try to whack the youngest cat and then turn to run from the owner, just to bump into the most fearsome other cat.

Starring: Kiwi, Furgie and Alex (the last one)