A billion people died on the news tonight/But not so many cried at the terrible sight/ Well mama said/
It's just make believe/You can't believe everything you see/ So baby close your eyes to the lullabies/On the news tonight

Sunday, January 22, 2006

age changes someone

Time for my weekly rant.

I was just telling someone that day that I think I've mellowed. Not that I like it. I used to be pretty leftist and now I'm just thinking... oh whatever. I still believe in opposition, because it's a good way to keep a government on their toes. Not all ruling parties win even if they restrict the opposition - check out KMT and DPP when KMT was the ruling party in Taiwan. Granted that Taiwan's citizens are a lot more liberal, but I'm saying that if the opposition wanted to win, they have to show that they care about us, the Singaporeans, not just bringing down the PAP. Because ranting "you have to vote for us just not to vote for the PAP" is not going to work. Check out Chiam See Tong - he cares, so Potong Pasir (who should have been granted a upgrade long ago, but that's another story) keeps voting for him. If these people in Potong Pasir vote for PAP just because of a friggin' upgrade then they need to clear their heads. But however, if they vote according to their rationale (all the stuff together), then it might be a close fight. See, if all those opposition fight the ruling party like how the PAP is trying to win over Potong Pasir, then we would have a much bigger fight. People say that Singapore is too small for an opposition, but of course in a group of 3 people, 1 might not agree with 2, and that is your opposition. And this one person saying no might make the whole group better, not by taking over the group at times but by raising issues out. And Singapore, alike USA, is an immigrant city. Our forefathers came here to make a better living. We are by asian more conservative. Ever watched I, Robot? It's a bit like this I guess. Man kill our own kind. But would we want to trade off freedom for less crime? Or crime for our freedom? Is there a trade off?

Thinking is good for me. Keeps the aging brain moving, you know. See how the limited brain power has evolved my original point into something almost different?

Anyways, I, Robot is a damn good show. Totally like it. But I normally like most shows I see - I see quite little shows haha.

The other thing about age that changed me was my attitude on Love. Of course I can never be like Blinkymummy although I think sometimes her heart rules her head some of the time too. But I was facing this question on a web quiz: would it hurt you more if someone physically cheated on you or if he/she fell in love with someone else?

If it was me 2 years back, I'll definitely say if they loved someone else. But it got me thinking. It IS possible to fall in love with someone else while committed to someone. Of course, some would even commit themselves to 2 people. I remember once I told my ex (who was still with me then) that if he wanted sex, he could well go and get a hooker with 2 conditions - no taking any diseases home, no leaving his heart there. I said that since I can't give you what you want, why should I stop you? But of course you can't stop me if you can't give me what I want - like when I want to have lengthy discussions with my friends outside you can't stop me. But when I was grazing at the question, I was stuck. Going a step further, whether it's a kiss, physical intimacy, overcaring (you have to numb oneself I guess), to translate the love into something else is worse than just being in love. If my husband loved someone else, I could accept it, of course, that he try to get over it. It'll probably be a rethink time for our relationship. But if he had an affair with someone, making love with another woman.... I might lose it. Of course that doesn't count if there was no love involved. Of course, let's not bring the Bible into it yet. But would I really do?

I've been the 3rd party many times. Not once I felt good, but I liked the man so much. Other times I didn't really care he was attached/married. Mostly I liked the fact that it wouldn't go on forever. Casanovas were good for me because we both knew it'll be short and he could always look me up to complain about stuff he couldn't talk to other girls about. I'm still in contact with a couple of them. There were some I really liked but nothing really happened. After I returned to Christ, I really couldn't go on that kind of life - it was so empty for me. Of course it's nice to have companionship. Sometimes we meet up just to talk and laugh, but they are normally so busy as before and I don't have that kind of disposable income to go meet them at where they are anymore. They always loved me for my fierce independence - now I'm happy for a dinner treat, although I'll love to buy dinner back! But I digress.

My point is... what is my point? I really don't know. I wouldn't know how I'll react to my husband loving someone else. At some point, if he told me he ever flirted with someone else out of fondness, it's really ok - for now, but then I don't have a husband now. Because I might do the exact same thing. But if he slept with someone... then it might be different. Middle ground? Kiss? Probably serious rethinking as a couple but I'll not give up on him. I'm fairly ok with this kind of things, still have only once in my life experienced true jealousy with my ex. Of course, just cursing the object of the affections of MY object of affections is just normal haha. Just kidding - don't slap more counselling on me CC!

But I digress.

"I believe there's a hero in all of us." - Aunt Mary in Spiderman

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