A billion people died on the news tonight/But not so many cried at the terrible sight/ Well mama said/
It's just make believe/You can't believe everything you see/ So baby close your eyes to the lullabies/On the news tonight

Friday, January 05, 2007

forgiveness

when they said that angels are all around us, I never thought that they would communicate via MSN.

A long time ago I added faithtoh to my MSN... I can't even remember why. But now I know why. There has been a person I could not forgive - not for her sake, but for mine. And I've been upset over it, because, as a Christian, you should forgive and move on... and forget about it as well. But I could not. It troubled me. I terribly wanted to, but I could not.

I think what she told me really helps... and I rarely acknowledge people helping me move on like that. Hahaha.

an excerpt. I hope it helps you the way it helped me.

her:
and i've learnt, the hard way, and like now, i'm being reminded... that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, their remorse or their wellbeing etc
it also has nothing to do with them recognising and asking for forgiveness i want it to be
its easier to feel vindicated and have the chance to look at the other person and feel validated when they admit they're wrong
but i've come realise that if i have to wait for tt to happen, then i'm allowing the pain to continue and the hurt to keep biting at me
its not like forgiving is easy
forgiveness isn't also abt condoning and accepting what happened
to me, forgivness is saying : you did a nasty thing. you're too damaged to even realise what you did. but i don't need you to realise it. i don't need you to be a better person. i'm letting you be the sad, unaware person you are and moving on and forgetting all about you.
u get what i'm saying?

me:
I know that it has nothing to do with them asking for forgiveness. In fact, I believe that forgiveness is for the person forgiving, not the person being forgiven.. to a certain extent. but it's more of wanting to forgive and cannot let go, rather than not wanting to forgive. I do long for the day that I read news about her and it means absolutely nothing to me.. and walking past her in stores without wanting to scream *********** in her face, whatever vuglarities that might be..

her:
u know what helps me?
recognising that this person is damaged
and nothing i can do will change that
and if i attempt pursue this state where one day she will admit, then i'm placing my happiness, my wellbeing, in her hands
i'm giving her power
and i don't wanna do that
i don't wanna carry her around with me all day, all weekend
worse, i do'nt want to carry latent anger inside, and allow it to make me bitter, distrustful, wary of other ppl just cuz one stupid woman is too damaged to know her own faults.
wah... she really win big time liao lor
and i helped her!
so i am thinking all these thoughts and it makes me resolve to do other things
distract myself
i'm going to enjoy my weekend, and everytime a thought of her enters in, i'm going to say "swoosh" (for real... hahah its a technique i heard about years ago) and wipe my hands like i'm wiping a white board clean
then i think abt other things
maybe u cld try that
u get a nice happy thought
then everytime u walk past something that reminds u of that person who hurt u, u do ur own version of a swoosh
dun give them a chance to steal any of your precious time


Because sometimes... you just got to move on. 2007 without hate? Could it be possible? =)

Comments on "forgiveness"

 

Blogger cheahchuwen complained! (Friday, January 05, 2007 1:11:00 pm) : 

Sometimes, its easier to f*** care. Then just smile. Beats thinking so much of it.

 

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