A billion people died on the news tonight/But not so many cried at the terrible sight/ Well mama said/
It's just make believe/You can't believe everything you see/ So baby close your eyes to the lullabies/On the news tonight

Friday, March 03, 2006


a mini-flood of smses from my normally deathly quiet handphones brightened up my night yesterday. thank you, CG, for the concern. Poy, YC, Rachel, CC, GR, Jason Teo, MZ. Thanks all for the concern and prayers. do keep me in prayers. I will need them.

also, a few smsed me about my previous post. thanks. I've been having this for a few years already, where fear and paranoia strike me, but never before in continuing hits, and in such frequent timings. I'm trying, I'm praying. Thanks especially to Sylvy for smsing me from her busy schedule, YC for the encouraging sms and Kim and Wilson for leaving a comment. Sandy and Dai Kor came to me in exclamation for my resignation. It's nothing, really. It's not a horribly important part of my life. I can live with it. And there are no concrete plans yet. And I'm really, really, really not bothered.

the paranoia and fear spawned kids. I'm now fearing the fear and the fear comes when everything is dandy. I'm beginning to think that I'm mad, or possessed. It's not the same as when I had the demonic or disturbing images in my head, it's different. but it can consume me at night (especially) and when I'm in my room. to deal with it I go out of my room and watch tv, or lay on the recliner. this seems to be less successful recently.

but whatever it is, I'll learn how to deal with it. death will come when it's time. and that's the truth. if I fear, I've have to live my whole life in it. right now I'm a bit worried about my health too. I do admit, I really want to graduate. before anyone out there says that pressure is self-given, and depression is a lie, I wanna say this to you - eat shit, and I hope you choke but survive on your green tea/beer/whisky/tofu.

I'll leave. And do keep me in your prayers, please. For my health, my life, my family, my studies, my cats (which one of them is going to see the vet tomorrow), and me. It's a kinda huge selfish request, I know. please do allow me this.

God bless you guys. I'll be back mid June. Any other updates will mostly be mobile entries.

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