A billion people died on the news tonight/But not so many cried at the terrible sight/ Well mama said/
It's just make believe/You can't believe everything you see/ So baby close your eyes to the lullabies/On the news tonight

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


I am sick.


I do not want to reveal or go into details because I don’t really want to. What I can say is that what’s happening now.


I’ve been diagnosed with GAD, or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’m still fine for now, but get anxious sometimes in the open. Somehow, at home, with my brother and my sis-in-law, I feel really safe. I’ve not gone for class for near 1 month plus. I’ve not gone for CG/Service for about the same time.


I’ve imprisoned myself.


This whole issue really made me think a lot, it challenged a lot about what I think and feel about God. I cannot imagine, now, people going through life without thinking about “religion” at all. A lot of things about life have been, well, scrutinised and thought over. I’m a bit unsettled and a bit off-centre now.


I really want to thank a lot of people, namely Law (for driving me then to the A&E), GR (for praying for me, and even offering me his home number), CC (for praying for me and sending me encouraging SMS), and others who might have prayed for me, like Rachel and Sandy, and Poy, and more. Another group of people I really want to thank, are people that I’ve not ever seen before. Chuwen and Cowgoesmoo (do you even realise I have no idea what’s your name… haha) have been really by my side. Chuwen have offered to coach me in Math, smsed me, entertained me online, and really made me feel that friendship can really come in many different ways. Cowgoesmoo have played MSN games with me just to keep me company, until I’ve fallen asleep. There was one message that really touched me. [RN, don’t scare me!] Also Gavin and Mike – I know I’m supposed to help out for the blog, but have utterly useless for that. But your conversations with me have really helped. All of you, really, hand on my heart, I love you guys.


Of course, my brother and sis-in-law have been really wonderful and accommodating. Sorry, Lauren, for interfering in your sweet bliss. Also my sister, who called from Shanghai to speak to my brother about it. It’s really hard on my brother, it’s not something he can imagine easily, being a military PLUS over-rational (plus increasingly stubborn – runs in the family) man.


I hope to seek the cooperation of everyone – I’m fine, I’ll stay alive, and I’m trying to live. To help me, don’t say things like depression is self-given, etc. I might just recover on the spot and kick you where it’ll definitely hurt – in between your legs. Just pray for me, and my studies. And for Serene as well, she had/is still having a hard time coping with his death. I thank you with all I have.




ps – please sms me your names to my handphone (91…..) cos I lost it a while back. Those who already have, thanks.



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