I don't know what she's thinking.

sometimes I honestly don't know what she's thinking... I think a good guage of a friendship is when I stop contacting her and wait for her to start smsing me.. and it just doesn't happen. She doesn't call or sms me on her own. I ask her out a couple of times, and once she fly kite, the other she said she's not free. I can understand that, I really can, if not, how could I have been her friend for so long. But reading her blog can cause me grief, in more than one way. Ask her, what for? Reasons? I know her better than to do this. Reasons she'll always have, those that I can't fault. No, it's not the reasons, it's the unwillingness to try to make time with me. I'm not comparing, but something is wrong when I can stop my entire life if I deems she needs it... and she's not willing to say "no" to some guy who wants to disrupt our dinner date. I love her to death, you know. I really love her to death. But if all the contact is done from my side, I'm just cutting into her life, where she doesn't really want me. And I'm sort of used to it. I'll live. But my phone lines are always open to you. If you need me, just call me and sms me. If you don't need me, but want to talk, just call me and sms me... I just need to know if I'm clinging onto you and preventing you from getting on with your life. I don't blame C for what he did - he felt that I prevented him from getting the kind of life he wants.. I really just wanted the best for him and still wish him that. Actually, him too. I know he's trying to keep a "safe distance" from me... bro, look, I ain't interested in you. It's your friendship I cherish a lot. So, ok? It's sad when they refuse to disrupt their SOPs for lunch for me just once in a while. It ain't that bad actually, it just reconfirms my standing with them. I know that I'm not someone easy to be friends with, that's why I do cherish them, because they take the effort to include me. But sometimes, with them, with others, I feel like I should just shut up, sit down, get on with my life. Socially inadequate ain't an excuse, I am always wrong. At least I'm consistent with something. I know, I ain't worth a shit. From Lawrence of forbetterorforworse: I like growing plants. You water, fertilize, treat them with respect, and in exchange they grow and bloom. When they finally leave, you know they didn't do it out of their own will.