A billion people died on the news tonight/But not so many cried at the terrible sight/ Well mama said/
It's just make believe/You can't believe everything you see/ So baby close your eyes to the lullabies/On the news tonight

Saturday, May 06, 2006

MSN friend 1

I just realised something. You know, when we are younger (for the audience my age and above) we are told to be careful on the internet, for we might never know who's really the other person? Then came blogging and the words "online persona" or "cyber personality".

But every morning, the first person that I 'speak' to is another citizen from the sunny island who's studying in Far Away Land ie DC. Good old [insert false name here]. He's one of the first people who knew about what was happening to me, although at that time we weren't close at all. In fact, at that time I believe we only knew each other for less than 2 months. But somehow, I was comfortable with him knowing. He actually has the full story on my condition now. "How are you" and then he moves on. Every morning. We talk about television, a little on politics, a lot of everyday crap, etc. A lot of the times the conversation goes like this:

Me - What are you doing up so late
G - No particular reason/Essay/Statistics
Me - Not sleeping?
G - Later. What are you doing?
Me - [insert name of whatever TV program that I'm watching], hee hee. How was dinner?
G - Fine... you ate yet?
Me - cooking now. Brb.
G - ok.
Me - ok, back. Had pasta.
G - yummy. I had [insert name here to make me jealous]
Me - I soooooooooo wanna go DC
G - hahahahaha
Me - so when are you coming back to SG?
G - [insert date here]
Me - haha. watching [insert name of TV show] now. Damn funny loh.
G - ya I know, did you watch that episode where [insert celebrity] was on? That was the best.
Me - ya man.

Sometimes, it'll go like this.

G - [insert serious issue here]
Me - ya, but [a flimsy attempt to speak intellectually]

repeat process for 10 minutes

Me - ok, my brain is tired liao. Cannot think.
G - Haha

I never thought of him treating me as a good friend. I of course hope that we are good friends, but I never thought of us actually as good friends. You know, those that give each other passwords to protected posts on their blogs?

Well, he did. He gave me that one password, and that's actually the first time I had a password to a protected post. (well, most of my friends or the blogs that I read have so much crap in them or they simply can't be bothered anyways) I remember a certain friend of mine (who's now a Bro-In-Christ, Hallelujah!) whom I casually asked whether he had a blog, and replied, "ya, but it got password... I sms you later." I didn't even know him that well, and he gave me that password. It gave me a certain... hmmm... pleasant shock that he, well, trusted me...? But then another friend of ours (that's you, S!) had her blog password protected (which now she removed), and to me, I'm those kind of persons who, if you don't tell me already, means you don't intend to tell me, kind of person. It'll save the awkwardness of someone saying... erm, I changed my URL/password because I didn't want you reading it. I know, because I've changed my URL before to avoid people. So those people who update me about URL changes - it means: 'I want you to continue reading my blog', whatever your intention to change the URL was for. And that's also a great sense of honour. (I wanted to use glory, but it sounded out of place).

But anyways, you know who you are. Thanks a lot. I'm really looking forward to you coming back! We can all have dinner! Your non-judgemental ways and intellectually perverse (hee hee) conversations with me have given me good company. Having a blog, a community that I "belonged" to (CBB) and immersing in all these "good cheers" had given you to me. Having you as a friend is one of the best things that has happened to me. [Ok, ok, seriously and honestly, having all of you, my friends, you ALL know who you are, are one of the few? best things that have happened to me.] I don't have much friends, and I thank God for each and every one. And I thank Him again and again for you now. Your company online had aided me in my walk to recovery. [still walking] Your non-invasive questions and understanding words (I know almost everyone has a good intention, but sometimes methods are wrong and it can be annoying and even erm, downright frustrating.) have helped me more than you know. You're in my prayers (when I pray).

And I look forward to many many more MSN conversations with you about everything and nothing. =) Thank you, and thank God for you.

I'm not saying to be NOT CAREFUL about who you speak to online, but I think that kind of caution should come with every person you know. But I'm not saying that you shouldn't be friendly at all... Aiya, if you get to know me and see how I treat people, then you understand ahaha. Treat everyone with kindness, but don't be taken advantage of knowingly. And if it's someone you WANT to sleep with, kindly make sure, whether online/offline, that he's single and available. 所谓知人知面不知心.

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