A billion people died on the news tonight/But not so many cried at the terrible sight/ Well mama said/
It's just make believe/You can't believe everything you see/ So baby close your eyes to the lullabies/On the news tonight

Friday, October 20, 2006

dreams and love, not.

I had really weird dreams last night, relating to one exboyfriend and one exboss who ignored me after I tendered my resignation.

I've been thinking about that exboyfriend. Not that I'm still in love with him, I've felt nothing for him for a long time - not even disgust. But I've been thinking of the past, and that I've never been sure of those attracted to me - why? why are they attracted to me? Some, just to get me in bed; the others, just superficially. They can't handle me - I'm not just another girl on the street, the way I think and do things is different, and my skewed principles too.

But this guy, he was different. If he did it just to get me in bed, well, at least he did try very hard. At least I did feel loved unconditionally, just for a while. Even though he did dump me in the end.

I really could see a small certain future at that time.

So what drives people to get attached? I know of guys who woo girls just because they have a great rack, and girls who stick to men because they can afford the latest bling. But are these people any worse than those who accept another just because they are lonely? If money is a bad factor, loneliness is no better off.

Anything less than love?

But different things attract different people to others. So who are we to judge?

The only reason I can think of him being with me in the first place was that he was lonely, he was bored, and I was the only one around... and he did put a bit heart in it, I mean, if you're in it to cure the boredom and loneliness, you'll of course put your heart in it because you wanna not be bored and not be lonely.

I'm writing this from home, my chest aching as usual, and my legs generally sapped of any energy. My whole body's feeling that, limp and at least I'm not paranoid and driving myself nuts. I've got a huge presentation to work on, and I need to clean the house today - it's driving me nuts.

Comments on "dreams and love, not."


post a comment