Reflections

A year ago, I started this blog. First, it was to let off my grief that came with the Tsunami. Then, slowly, it was one to celebrate life and God, to let out some of my feelings, almost to communicate to my friends and the world. It used to be at rationalneurotic.blogspot.com. VC had a blog too, then, and we used to ping pong insults for fun, sparking internal gender disputes also. Then came this post that Nincompoop said that in his humble opinion, this was my best post ever. This blog then became an outlet for my frustrations, for my need to scream, to cry, to plead, to see myself in words, so that I finally realise what I've been feeling. Then the whole fiasco happened, and I stopped blogging for 3 months. I changed the URL to stop some people from reading and used a redirection url to tell people my new blog. Why? Perhaps it was because I didn't know what to write of it. Some days now, I still feel that little bit of hatred and pain, other days, just a tinge of regret and... regret. Not that I did anything wrong, but that some people had to do the things they did, and that my reaction was less than Christian. But I still think I tried my best then, and it's over anyways. To think I thought her a friend. July was just gibberish and trying to face myself online. August was a mixture of a events diary and an open venue for me to speak. Sept and October was trying to find myself (as with my whole life) and seeking Him and Nov was really starting to be what I like my blog to be, a place where I could speak out and discuss. So it's the 27th Dec again. I'm thinking of opening my url again, since I've been leaving comments all over the place, someone's bound to see me (like how I saw the LaundryGirl). People have said to my face that they didn't want me to read their blogs, and then I've drifted further from some people like Nincompoop. I grew numb to natural calamities but my heart still aches for all the tsunami and earthquake victims. Some stuff changed (or evolved), somethings didn't, some will never differ. I'm still me. I'm still Lee. Happy anniversary, blog!