Ten Floors Down

You are a Hippie. Wow. What kind of Sixties Person are you? brought to you by Quizilla - the rational neurotic - a few things happened since my last post.. I went for boon hui's wedding.. VC got his guitar fixed.. ma fell sick and I had to get Kor to 'show concern' before she was willing to see the doctor.. I had a nice small tea session with Charles Chong and Vivian Balakrishnan with a few other people who "stepped out" to give "our support".. There was a lecturer with NUS Denistry, a communications manager with the Ritz, a guy doing investments for real estates or such, a guy who works in Taiwan doing IT solutions and stuff (works with MS products!), a journalist who now works in the EDB and that's about everyone, besides Nelson who co-ordinated everything. VC had said at least twice this week that I've got a black face I think. I don't know. I've been alternating between the need for space, the need to withdraw into myself again, and the need to be around people and just be crazy. I have a hard time catching myself. It's the kind of time that (I know this seems to be really often, even to me) I don't know where I am or what I am doing.. besides that I've got God.. and you have no idea how that helps. Of all the confusion of being lost in this World.. I am found in His. I haven't been reading or praying regularly, and my panic attacks are itching up on me, but thank God I haven't got a full-scaled attack yet. My addictions are hitting hard on me, and I cannot fight it alone. I need to know what I am thinking inside.. and I have no idea. Seriously. It is because I know that God is here, I am optimistic. This can only get better, albeit all my seemingly depression about the present. It's this kind of times that I am floating, that I am indifferent, that I am caring, that I am needy, that I am needing to be alone, that I am mad, that I am sane, that I am just.. I don't know.. it's this kind of times that my creativity is slightly richer.. relatively. I was just saying that day that they should make a movie like tak giu about our local music. "3 guys, a band, and no where to play." Now I'm hungry, tired, my brain's blank momentarily again.. This is one of my now-typical messy, non-organised posts again. Like I said, I'm bothered, but I'm not disturbed. Before anyone goes crazy, I need to disclaim. This song is on the spur, does not reflect on my following actions or whatsoever. It's just whimsical thoughts that are recorded on the edge of the moment. No one will ever know Why you did the thing you did How did you go missing Why did you go missing How can we find out that What was it you did when you Disappeared just disappeared Why did you go missing -And when they found you -Why were they surprised -Your fragile body -All over the floor Ten floors down Why did you walk off the edge No more else Why did you kill yourself... What were you thinking Dear Lord How could this be so The last time I saw you You were falling apart, how did you fall so hard so fast Why did you let go -And when they told me -Why could I not believe -Your fragile soul -All over the floor Ten floors down Why did you lose your mind so No more self Why did you give up now Dear God Your blood on my hands ..Boy, you're gone ..What can I do? ..You're there ..Ten floors down For Hock Chai