I am growing up everyday

"Maybe this is growing up. Breaking up can be amicable, without fighting, nor crying, or any animosity. Breaking up can be silent and friendly." -taken from a Hong Kong movie (Those were the days we were growing up) hagar the horrible - not that I do not want it, but am I ready for emotional leftovers? A bit of magic is lost, but a lot of confusion is cleared - for me. I guess I'll always feel that I owe it to him, because I know that this is not the conclusion he wants. I have no idea how to make it up to him - how do you make it up to a friend? How do I shake off the feeling of having lost something when I know that this is the best conclusion (the only one, in fact) that I can really live with? I can't be with him when I cannot submit to that, because it just defeats that purpose. He's the one that got away because I cannot handle it. (Sounds like Ray, but with Ray, things went a little further, in more ways than a few) I'll just have to be very nice, giving him his favourite buffet treats when I finally can afford it, and pray that he finds a very nice girl to settle down with. You know, my identity is forged with that of my family and friends. I am my Father's Child. I am my father's daughter. I am my brother's sister. I am my mother's daughter. I am her best friend (and damn proud when she says so). I am buddies (in my opinion) with The Faithful Non-Boyfriend, Supanova, Khae and Chuwen. I was buddies with that group of NPCC boys from 3N1 back in school. I am that girl with GAD. I am that girl who is still finding. I am that girl who knows what I have to do, but have no idea how to go about doing it. I am that girl. I don't mind growing up - I like being "adult" where you work and stuff. I like to work, God knows I am some hopeless workaholic. but I refuse to grow up and lose my passion if that means that troubles will be magnified - if that means that little troubles being some big issue. Problems are never that big if you're still alive. I refuse to, I simply refuse. I refuse to evolve into what I nearly am. I must be myself again. And He must increase, and I must decrease. He must increase, but I must decrease. - John 3:30