A billion people died on the news tonight/But not so many cried at the terrible sight/ Well mama said/
It's just make believe/You can't believe everything you see/ So baby close your eyes to the lullabies/On the news tonight

Friday, December 31, 2004

A mourning New Year's Eve

Today is the declared day of mourning for the victims. It's 125000 now.
Please pray. They need all the help they can get. Money will not be enough. Volunteers and intercessors are needed.

Psalm 15

A psalm of David.

1 LORD , who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart
3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,
4 who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the LORD ,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,
5 who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

He who does these things
will never be shaken.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Psalm 6

A psalm of David.

1 O LORD , do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be merciful to me, LORD , for I am faint;
O LORD , heal me, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD , how long?

4 Turn, O LORD , and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
5 No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?

6 I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.

8 Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.
9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

I will run to the Altar, and catch the fire, to stand in the gap between the living and the dead.


The death toll is nearing 100 000. The aid is not successfully reaching the remote areas. A widespread disease looms over the survivors. This is not one of the best days in this year.

God, how many more Matthew 24:7s are we going to meet? How much more pain can we cope with? How much more grief can we withstand? The more grief, the more pain, the more we must preach to the nations.

Sometimes I rather be one of those who are swept away than those who have not known Him. For the moment of death is painful, but the eternity after is worse. However, I admit. I'm a coward. I dare not face death personal to me.

I want to go and help, to help distribute the food, to help make things better. Seated in the office with air-con and free drinks and a games room to relax seem so irrelevant to life now. I wonder how much bottled water did F&N donate? Or if Hyflux or Osim or OTO donated a water putrification machine? What are these companies doing? Why am I so helpless to make them contribute? Whatever I can contribute, I would. I'm so tempted to just take the boxes and boxes of mineral water in the pantry and send it to the Sri Lankan High Commission, but I can't. The order of life must still be obeyed, it seems.

What can I do? Besides asking for donations of cash and in-kind, I can't seem to do anything else, but to pray. And pray I will. And I hope you will too.

I am not a very good Christian, I have my struggles. But I know some things are true.

God is.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Come fly with me

He's on a plane away from here now, and only coming back end Jan 05.. that's long. God, You know I'll miss him. This is good training I reckon, 'cos he's gonna go back to school in Feb... and won't be back until end 05. That's a year.

I wish you happiness man, wherever you find it.

Cruxified, laid behind the stone..


The death toll has climbed more than 60000 as many missing are accounted for in death. An epidemic is also now looming. What can we do over here? As much as my fear of the unknown, I have a small burning desire to go and help.. but with my unskilled hands I might just be more of a hinderance. I can only gather and send aid.

None of my cg mates have replied my last email for aid. Is it disappointing? Yes, a tat.

Please pray for the countries involved and needing. We can all do that little bit of prayer for them. After it's free but paid by the Blood of the Lamb.

On a better note, some of the survivors were touched by the help given to them by the locals, many of which are needy. I read in the news that one of the survivor families was given clothing, food, footware, and a roof over their heads with food. In this time, 患难出真情 (The adversity leaves the true feelings, or in this case sympathy and kindness)

I just wish that Jerry can respond. I haven't heard from him yet. I'm so afraid, very afraid, I got to admit.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Too much bad news in a day

My colleague lost her baby. It was almost full term, and the baby just.. gone. My another colleague hospitalised due to blood in stools. The death toll of the tidal waves keep climbing up with no inclination of stablising. Jerry hasn't replied me from KL yet... I think he may have gone to Penang.

I told my boss, "The more bad news one hears, the more of a realistic optimist we must be". And I think it's true.. but it's hard to do, not to say maintain.

As You hung there and died, You were paying the price of my life.


It's 29000 now. Saying it could be 50000. Life is fast, flickering and death never stops moving. If you're lucky, you have a warning. If not.. like this. 29000 just gone.

I'm not expecting everyone to have their heads down in the dumps cos of this, but I guess we can all be a little more compassionate... including me. Of the 29000, some whole families and companies are wiped out. Someone's mother, brother, father, sister, wife, husband, cousin, friend and colleague is there. Does it not impact your heart? What if your beloved went to Phuket for a holiday? What if your Mother was visiting relatives in Penang? What if your brother went to India for a holiday? What if your sister was honeymooning in Maldives?

Life is short, flickering and death never stops moving. When they say "Live like it's your last day on Earth", they don't always mean "Prepare for Eternity". Some said, "Live like it's heaven on Earth." Judging by their actions, it might not be heaven they go to after death. But I'm not qualified to judge.

Sometimes when I get tempted to leave Him, to play like no tomorrow, I think of how hard it was for me to leave that world and its thoughts clinging onto me. I still have struggles, yea, I still have attacks of images not desirable. I guess I'm just extreme, the grey area drags me into it too.

For those who find it hard to believe the incredible story of the Cross, He works in so many ways to prove that He is here too. So many ways. For one, maybe it's because I never really worried about a job but just hoped that it would be something I like, can learn from and have the right time frame for ministry, He always gave me good jobs... not in every sense though. Some were low pay, with rotten bosses. But it also gave me good networks, a chance to continue in that industry, or a near workplace without the need of thinking of a career when I needed a break.

Maybe that's why I never really had that worry that He wouldn't give me what I really need. My voice hasn't been healed. I believe that if it's in His plan for my voice to return to normal, it'll be in His time. If it isn't, I wouldn't mind cos I know I talk too much, too fast, like now.

Monday, December 27, 2004


More than 20000 dead now, 11000 in Sri Lanka alone. The horrific slap it delivers to me has rendered me speechless, with a bitter and sour taste in the mouth. I have no idea what to say.

A few weeks back I saw a cat covered with gasoline lying on a grass patch, with red ants biting it all over. The view was so... personal, that I just knelt down and started crying. It meowed at me but refused to move. I had to use an unbrella's U handle to pull it from the grass and then a neighbour shifted it to a void deck near by. What kind of sicko pours gasoline over a cat? I think the cat was a kitten, and it was in shock. Its pupils dilated and it sort of had a wild eyed look.

Then last night, a church mate of mine and I was SMSing and we talked about death (it was brought on by the local series 6 weeks), and what we would do with one week left to die.

I know I'm going mad again, but is God preparing me? *laugh* I don't have the courage, and I pray that I do, 'cos death is not fearful in itself. It is a graduation ceremony for the soul to go to the next step of life, and the time on earth is just a nursery school. But people fear the unknown and so do I.

Matthew 24:12-13 "Because of the increase of wicknesses, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be safe."

God, I pray I will be one of them who stands firm to the end.

When the world falls apart and you fear for your heart, there's a tower of peace and it's still the Cross.

Sorry for starting on such a sombre note.

At least 11500 confirmed dead in the tidal waves caused by the earthquake off Sumatra. Penang, Indonesia, India and Thailand are just some of the countries affected. When catastrophies happen this sudden and close to home, it gets very personal.. More personal than SARS.

I can't fathom the selfishness of people though. A friend's first reaction was "It didn't affect Singapore right?", and his second: "Man, we can go surfing at Sentosa now!". Such insensitivity.

I ain't a saint of any sort, but at least..

It doesn't take more than a minute to pray for the people still missing, and for the victims' families to have strength through this all. Many people's livelihoods will be affected for a long time.

How can anyone see the impact of this and NOT get affected?

Matthew 24:6~8
"You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. "