A billion people died on the news tonight/But not so many cried at the terrible sight/ Well mama said/
It's just make believe/You can't believe everything you see/ So baby close your eyes to the lullabies/On the news tonight

Sunday, July 23, 2006

concave scream

Concave Scream - Baybeats 2006. Here's some videos of them this year.

I remember calling this song "Rain Rain Go Away" when they first played it last year. It's so......... concave scream. =)

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Tur Kwa!

we all remember that infamous line:

"why you say you tell me you dowan tur kwa when you didn't say you dowan tur kwa?"

that one podcast has changed our lives - suddenly our friends who scoff blogs are asking if we know who mrbrown is, and us young urchins start giggling while ordering Bak Chor Mee, confusing the Bak Chor Mee man on whether we want Tur Kwa or not.

We present to you, the Bak Chor Mee Man's own Tur Kwa SMS Ringtone. Who needs the HK Bus Uncle when we have our own Bak Chor Mee Man!

Please right-click to save - wave file and mp3. (MP3 is a bit too short)

All copyrights to mrbrown and mrmiyagi, and this is their work, not mine - I just cropped it.

wah lau, a bit accurate siah

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it.

A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

Friday, July 21, 2006

at what cost my passion is costing me

I just confirmed with the hotel... What a big sacrifice my passion has cost me! I take home less than a thousand (much less). The best thing is that I only work 8 hours a day, so I need to get another job to supplement my income, or I will not be able to afford my flat.

I don't know if I can afford all my lessons planned! Ah well, I got to grind my teeth. This is it!

So the journey begins.

I suddenly understood

I suddenly understood.

My actions - my hurt. But somehow, I know I'm not going to do it again, pray, I'm not going to back myself into a corner again. Somehow, the whole bewilderment makes sense - and He came through for me. Again.

Now I've got to work on the repentance, especially the "sorry" part. Guilt doesn't work when it's only in theory. Heh.

Dad! Thanks. Now I' ve got to work on the GAD thing, the life and death thing, and You. Keep me alive until then ok?

Thanks Dad. One down, the rest to go. =)


oh brother!

Sometimes my brother can be the sweetest thing. He SMSed me today, telling me to let him know if one of my cousins ask me to meet up. She can be pushy, and now she's a financial planner. I replied him, "Ok... I don't think she'll ask me, I'm just a poor little girl."

The reply was, "Yes, MY little girl. Even got someone wanna smell your body odour also must ask me."

How protected, and smootheringly loved. I've always known that besides Daddy's Little Girl, I am also Kor Kor's little girl. Of course, when he's not pissing me off.

Sherman's Lagoon: the clueness never get the point.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

my deep dark secret


Wednesday, July 19, 2006


There are hidden messages in this post today.
Was at Sentosa yesterday, and my companion suddenly slowed down on our way back. "What's up?" I asked, and he pointed to the sign board in front.

Corny. But it reminds me of something as I am blogging right now. I remembered why I started blogging in the first place. There's too many tragedies happening, too many people dying senselessly. We need all the help we can get to protect us from the elements, and people are fighting people. It's frightening.


Ignorance is tearing countries apart. Remember when we were in school, we used to be bored at stuff like "Racial Harmony Day", but I tell you now: those are good stuff. In a world that beating up people on videos are considered entertainment, we need our heads on screwed tight.

One Big Happy

Have fun, someone said. Don't be such a good-fuddy-boring do-gooder. If being "good" means being boring, I rather be boring. I can live a life without sex, drugs and drink, and have a lot of fun - in contrast, you can't: you're losing out. You need to be simulated to have fun, to enjoy stuff, while me? All I have to do is to call out to one of my very few friends: a conversation can make my day. Who's the loser now?


If this world is going to rot, it's the people that are breeding the worms. I long for a day where the major bad news is all about petty things like gossip of some small time celebrity and maybe.. I don't know. No news is good news, besides the real good news of course, like poverty on a decline in most parts of the world?
*just pondering: if LKY had run of a starving 3rd world nation now, how would things be? this is not meant to be a taunt, I have respect for that man for what he did when he was still young - he built Singapore*

Distraction is a form of technique encouraged by my therapist for me to control, prevent and curb my attacks. But I cannot be distracted from You. I really need space, but I also need encouragement, strength and wisdom.


Thursday, July 13, 2006

When your cats... Part 1

Sometimes being a "good" owner means that you have to lock your cat into the pantry where the litterboxes are and tolerate their meowing, because

(1) they might shit outside your door just to spite you

what, me? *innocent look*

(2) they might pee outside and you'll discover it only 2 days later due to a lingering smell and dried yellow patches (even though it's your fault to not change the litter)

I can't pee on demand.... I wanna come outttttttttttt

Sometimes being a cat owner means that you have to be selfish and lock your cat outside because they cannot understand DND, and refuse to sleep when you need that peace.

what what what? we look so cute, won't you let us in?

You called?

I do wish that we can have these kind of call-center help.

Upset worker: Oh, Lord! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!! Lord, help me!
Voice from her speaker phone: You called?

8900 NW 35th Lane
Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Cin

Wednesday, July 12, 2006



I was out with 过分美丽 and 太漂亮了 yesterday, using my partyworld voucher. It reminded me on how much I missed my guitar and keyboard, and I just realised that I really haven't played both for a long time. I tried my guitar just now, and now my fingers hurt. Out of touch, and can't sing for nuts - not that I ever could anyways.

I like this song.

张智霖 in 十指紧扣 (album)


听 你不断呼叫我
讲不出 爱没结果


看 也一话都不说
憾无缺 只差跟你曾遇过

宁愿没拥抱 共你可到老
如若碰到 他比我好
只望停在远处 祝君安好

说 太多话我想说
任由我 天空海阔

宁愿没拥抱 共你可到老
如若碰到 他比我好
只望停在远处 祝君安好

宁愿没拥抱 共你能够终老

如若碰到 他比我好
只望停在远处 祝君安好


Don't understand? Translate it here, but I don't think it'll be that accurate.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I am growing up everyday

"Maybe this is growing up. Breaking up can be amicable, without fighting, nor crying, or any animosity. Breaking up can be silent and friendly."

-taken from a Hong Kong movie (Those were the days we were growing up)

hagar the horrible - not that I do not want it, but am I ready for emotional leftovers?

A bit of magic is lost, but a lot of confusion is cleared - for me. I guess I'll always feel that I owe it to him, because I know that this is not the conclusion he wants. I have no idea how to make it up to him - how do you make it up to a friend? How do I shake off the feeling of having lost something when I know that this is the best conclusion (the only one, in fact) that I can really live with? I can't be with him when I cannot submit to that, because it just defeats that purpose.

He's the one that got away because I cannot handle it. (Sounds like Ray, but with Ray, things went a little further, in more ways than a few)

I'll just have to be very nice, giving him his favourite buffet treats when I finally can afford it, and pray that he finds a very nice girl to settle down with.

You know, my identity is forged with that of my family and friends.

I am my Father's Child.
I am my father's daughter.
I am my brother's sister.
I am my mother's daughter.
I am her best friend (and damn proud when she says so).
I am buddies (in my opinion) with The Faithful Non-Boyfriend, Supanova, Khae and Chuwen.
I was buddies with that group of NPCC boys from 3N1 back in school.
I am that girl with GAD.
I am that girl who is still finding.
I am that girl who knows what I have to do, but have no idea how to go about doing it.

I am that girl.

I don't mind growing up - I like being "adult" where you work and stuff. I like to work, God knows I am some hopeless workaholic.


I refuse to grow up and lose my passion if that means that troubles will be magnified - if that means that little troubles being some big issue.
Problems are never that big if you're still alive.
I refuse to, I simply refuse.

I refuse to evolve into what I nearly am.
I must be myself again.


He must increase, and I must decrease.
He must increase, but I must decrease. - John 3:30

Monday, July 10, 2006

So tired

Someone told me today: "Why got so many things to decide? I thought the exams were over?"

The buck stops here. I'm tired, in more than many ways. Haven't slept well again.

I cannot start living the life that I know is not right.

On contrary, I must start living the life I know is right.

Not that they are direct opposites.

Who cares?

I do, and God.

Apologies to all that I've sucked into this whirlpool of a Black Hole. One thing that I learnt from my therapist is that, no matter what, some things we have no control over.

But that means, I do have the control over other things. And that I'll do. I'll live my life, the way He wants me to.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

of bits and pieces of 080706

Read Rachel's blog: here's a good titbit on teaching in boys' schools and another on remembering to let go because God won't shortchange us.

Rockson had updated his blog about the Brown Outrage.

Blinkymummy remembers the London Bombings.

Thanks to everyone who remembered and smsed or msned me, including the surprising turnabout by someone. She had unblocked me on her msn, and remembered my birthday to boot. But it is really awkward and weird for me, you know? I guess life throws surprises all around. Also thanks to my dearest buddy Khae and my best friend who called from Club Momo, and also chuwen, who was half asleep while waiting for my brother and my dasao to finish my celebration so I can reply to him.

My mother also called me early early just now. So funny. Heh. Lynn from school also smsed me - we share the same day!

But of course, the biggest cheer goes out to my caregroup, you guys are Da Bomb. Sorry la, that yesterday you guys had to make content with just hanging out at the west. But thanks really, I really appreciate it... just, next time don't do it ok? Hahaha. =) Really really thanks.


Thursday, July 06, 2006

have spirit

beetle bailey

I hate terrorists. Actually, I hate anyone who takes away another's life based of some sort of crooked belief. Yes, I might not have agreed with the Crusaders. I have nothing to say about the Old Testament Wars, because I am not in the Old Testament, and certainly do not possess enough faith to imagine what it must have been like to kill.

for there is nothing more important than life.

Let's not, right now, talk about going for eternity first. I'm talking about the life at present. If you waste it, it's the only you've got. Think of everyone who loves you. I remember a debate on suicide before, and I shan't say whether it's brave or cowardly. But I will say that everytime someone dies, many more grieves.

I'm going into this in a non-emotional manner. Say your wife/husband dies. You are grieving over him. Many are grieving over him. Do you want to award us to that sort of pain? You can rise above it, if you just let us help you, just let yourself help you. You are feeling guilty about not thinking about him, but would he have wanted you to be in this rut? Many love you. There is no one in the world that should submit their loved ones to this pain willingly.

So tell me, is a failure in career or a ruined love enough for one to be selfish to submit our loved ones to pain? Let's not talk about depression, not in control. If you're sane, and logical and rational, then one shouldn't.

If you have depression, please get help. I know what it is like to have no tomorrow. I know what it is like to not see beyond the night. The kind of pain - it's not "oh, I'm depressed" but it's really beyond words.

I'm sorry, no one has all the answers. I can't preach to you that God has, because I'm not going to. But no one human has all the answers. Not me, not you, not our parents or friends, and not even counsellors. But the good thing about that is everyone else has is the same - they don't have all the answers too.


On another note - I know it's the time of the year again, but I really don't fancy celebrations. Presents are welcome from family, of course, but if not, please don't waste money: just as long you promise to live your life the best way and trust in God, it's my best gift.

You being good to yourself, friends, is the best gift I can receive.

fastrack: have spirit.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

mish mash

arlo and janis.

Beautiful days have a way of getting to you in the morning. My neighbour on the first floor owns a few birds, and hearing these birds sing way early in the morning can be very merry. However, sometimes the dogs next door (a different neighbour) will start whining and barking and then I feel like screaming at them to shut up.

I've been waking up rather early nowadays, and have no idea why. Early as in 8am. And then I bet that if I get a 9 to 5 job, I'll find it hard to wake up on time.

The irony.

Anyways, I went to Suntec City Mall yesterday and went into La Senza. Their merchandise is good! and very expensive. Heh. Ah, more things to covet. I'll be buying some new stuff and trying to get rid of some old ones, and if you wanna do that online but do not want to do it on the typical ebay and yahoo auctions, try "Metrosexual Me"'s tavern. Email him at gagreflex at gmail dot com, and he'll provide space on the side on his 1800 hits per week blog.

Got an appointment in an hour and a half, and still pondering whether I wanna go... whichever the outcome, it won't be desired... Perhaps I should just go and get rejected. Heh.

On other matters, Supanova's got a new blog.

Here's a video on Hindsight, starred by Seinfield and a cartooned Superman.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

basket! and pineapple tarts

chuwen likes to say "basket" all the time.

So one day, he decided to get creative. Yes, yes, I hear gasps all around... An engineer being creative! (Ok that just blew all my chances with all engineers)

He said "weaven containing vessel made out of dried leaves".

Anyways, he passed me his homemade pineapple tarts, and besides the fact that they are sometimes sweet (bit into the sugar), sometimes salty (or so he claims), the pastry is almost just right, and you cannot blame the paste for being imperfect because it was bought, not made. So, for his knightly effort (plus the fact that he helped me bring my new old CRT home), he gets... 7/10!

Monday, July 03, 2006

progress, not the package.

BC Comic | palm sunday and hosanna.

PTL! Not just for the recent harvest, but more personally.

Today's therapy was good. Instead of verbal vomit, she had asked very pointed questions about the apparent cause of it all. I nearly had an anxiety attack, but somehow, thank God, it went away. I guess I wanted to challenge myself, and get out of the comfort zone. I have to do it one day, and might as well with her. However, instead of going out with a certain someone and somebody, I had to come home - to my physical comfort zone. Heh. One thing that she had said that stuck in my mind was "you don't believe but you want to believe".

It was good. It was challenging.

Had been thinking, and a lot of things feel different. In short, many things that had mattered no longer do, and many things that were important no longer are. I do not claim to say I have found the answer to my problem, but I have cut out the unimportant mass. A lot of it has to do with being important, career and such.

In short, it's progress, a step at a time. Also thank God that I have found a listening ear (who let me ramble on, and for some reason I could just unload) - have been extremely short fused recently.

Some things are simply not important. God is, life is. On a separate note, some nonsense have to stop. Let's see how things go. I might take a very different step, but well, I still have 2 years to go to that age, and I know that I can make it, just maybe not the way I thought. I can face myself, and I have never cared on how others have seen me, and it should maintain that way for this.

Lost my train of thought. @#$%^& *laughs* Ah well. =)

Quote: "To make peace - don't offer an olive branch, offer the whole damn tree."

Saturday, July 01, 2006

don't hurt yourself jumping to conclusions

I just had about enough. For those who have no idea what's happening, please, SHUT UP.
(1) About why I am not attending service: sorry but crap la. Did I ever say it's meaningless? If that's the reason why you don't attend, can you please cut the crap? I have my own reasons, you won't understand, and you're already not helping. So SHUT UP.
(2) About why I don't have a job now: to be crude, who the #$%^& are you to say what you did, I just had about enough. That was unwarranted and rude, and you never took it back.

So, to these people, I don't really care about your intentions now. I've had it being nice for a while, and please, don't hurt yourself jumping to conclusions. It's freaking irritating. If you have no idea what's happening, don't act smart, it doesn't work. If you have no idea what's happening, shut up. It makes you look smarter. If you really care, pray, and ask (I might/might not answer), but don't be a smartass.