girl...

"his touch, his kisses, his hugs.......... the warmth of his body, the smell of his breath. i melted in his arms." there's no way I can make it up to you, girl. I'm sorry. I know how much you loved him, how much you love him. It'll be hard to forget him, but we don't need to. We can keep him in our hearts as a reminder. I also don't know what to say... you have school tomorrow, so just go and see how ba.

why

lost my phone. hence aloy cannot get me. didn't get the replacement SIM. fell asleep on the recliner last night and woke up with a snort as if I stopped breathing and woke up only to breathe - one of my deepest fears. smsed serene to ask her about lunch. she didn't reply. after a while she called me, talking about some stuff. supposed to meet her for lunch. lazed around. bathed. she smsed me if aloy called me. I called her and asked what happened. she said the Tribal Loner was dead. had a fever, clinic was closed, and went to bed. never woke up. why.

...please do not harm my mother and father.

link here: http://www.dilbert.com/comics/peanuts/archive/peanuts-20060308.html

ironic

Wa bo wei kong. Super bo wei kong. After YESTERDAY's super heng incident, the super clever me dropped my phone. Again. On a cab this time. Which I had sensed something was wrong (like the first heng incident). Which I had looked at the License Plate number of the Taxi Driver specially. Which I had "felt" for my vital stuff in my bag. And felt everything and promptly went to forget the number. (3 something...) Which now, on hindsight, can be in a million places, like maybe at BQ where I took the cab, like at the post box where I sent the letter, on the road in, and maybe even (hopefully) somewhere at home! Which now, is too late because I just called and the phone was switched off. On a almost fully charged battery. *smack head*

asian parents syndrome

and some say, a nanny state. although I still think that sometimes it’s good.   link here: http://www.dilbert.com/creators/speedbump/archive/speedbump-20060308.html

don't gimme face ah!

in line with the face recognition thingey, and in the hope that chuwen stops remembering me as RedHat only, I sent the RedHat photo in.... NO FACE FOUND. Well, thanks! That photo is just a void, with the hat and my shoulders, with no head facing the camera you mean. Then I take the bloody photo for....? Ok, click here to match face. Well, "click"ed. scanning.. scanning... NO MATCH FOUND. What the... But... With Erica, VC's little babe, in that photo I took a million years ago, Erica is matched with Keanu Reeves! =_=''' My face... only her face found. TMD. Thanks hor. Match own face, scanning, scanning... no matches found. Thank you ah. Now I know I look too damn screwed up to look like any 'good looking celeb'. In a group of 3, the stupid machine only detected the 2 other faces! Nair Mind, I match my ownself. (Btw, Linda, you look like Tia Carrere). Finally a match found.... =_='''machine! you don't like me say lah! Another photo with my cat... NO FACE FOUND again! Ok, never mind. Match face myself... No Match Found. -_-''' *faint*

double heng!

after that very heng incident, I had another heng incident. As usual, when I don't have class, I took 166 and after that I'll change a bus. I had MSNed Dai Kor before the end of the work day to ask him about having dinner. He called when I was due to change bus. I finished the call and got off the bus. At the moment of getting off the bus, my phone dropped out of my pocket. And bounced on the floor. And dropped into the big drain. And into the water. Now, you know the designs of the big drains outside PSA building? There were the green fences outside it, the "hole" was shoulder high, and the water in a small lower "hole" in the centre of it. The phone dropped there. Imagine my shock! Almost as in in slow-mo! "Oh.... No.....! My.... phone.....!" A young man, probably in his mid 20s (but then again I am very lousy in gauging age) saw me, and said, "Oh no, bye bye phone!" Now, his tone wasn't taunting. Surprisingly I wasn't very upset by his words. He reminded me a lot about my ex bro-in-law, and it was really really like him. The tone and actions were almost similar! After that I just looked at the phone, face down in the water, dazed. He said, "Can't help you, my bus is here." I think I turned around with a half smile with a face that said "it's alright", but I really can't remember. I called my brother with my other phone and started telling him about the incident... he was just as helpless as I was. "Cannot go in?" For some reason, I lost my garangness. I think I really doubted my ability to get out. "Like that bo pian loh". Then at this point, that nice young man came from behind me, climbed down and got the phone for me! I was shocked beyond words, I really didn't know what to say. He passed me my phone, climbed out, wiped his hands on his pants, and at this moment I did something incredibly stupid. I saw my bus, uttered thanks, and just went to my bus. Actually I had wanted to go pee at the PSA building, but the stupid phone had to drop. 3rd day wearing this pants, and first time something actually dropped out of it! I remember him saying, as I was looking at the wet phone, "Think cannot liao." I said, "can still repair" to which he replied "too expensive to repair!" I remember smiling and saying "got warranty!" and here I went to my bus. *smack head* If anyone of you was this young man, or his friend, who helped a girl in a cream jacket, and maroon pinstripe pants outside the PSA building at the bus stop, please email me at rationalneurotic@gmail.com. I would like to treat both you and your companion (the nice lady next to him!) to a meal to give my thanks! Singapore needs more nice people like you. I'm sorry I was just... speechless at that moment to articulate my thankfulness, but really, really, really, thanks... Please contact me! Double Heng in a week. Wah Lau Eh! Heng ah!

irony - buying lottery all your life, striking it at 92 and dying the next day.

Link here: http://www.ucomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1995/03/09/

my dream is here

many times, when I get on taxis, the driver will start crapping about how singapore isn't good. I've heard it all before, I've my own views that sometimes agree and many times not. I'm no ra-ra go, Singaporean, to my regret actually, but I do think that while many things have to be changed, Singapore is still a great place to be. This is where I want to belong. I may love Malaysia, where some of my roots are and part of my heart is, but this is the place I want to belong. It is always easy to blame and rant, but end of the day, there ARE somethings that are great about this place. If any faults, it's not always the government's fault too. So, from faith, her explanation that kept my head nodding.. she has her head screwed on firmly on her shoulders, and while not solomon, she's rather wise. Be objective. Be open-minded. Keep your eyes open. It's easy to point fingers, scold but do nothing about "problems". However, after you take a clear look, ascertain the real culprit, you can solve the problem, and ain't it better than nothing? At least you tried. Bravo, Faith. I salute you, and God Bless you. From the post - I liken my relationship with my country to a marriage. Its not always pretty. There are tough times. Many times I have to sacrifice for my partner. Sometimes, my partner gets it right. But I wouldn't exchange it for the world. Let's face it, everyone's got faults. Why should I trade one set of faults for another? Unless I can live better with the other set. And some people are like that. Australia, New York, London, they claim it's their mecca. When really, they're just happier with those set of faults. I like it here. I'm not blind. I know it's got flaws. I rather make it work here than run away to complain about it somewhere else. Its easy to diss a country and blame it for all your troubles than to do the real work of fixing up your life. Or maybe its just The Hubby. Unfazable. Strong. Preferring to focus on what needs to be done, instead of why it can't be done. Which is basically what Colin and Joycelyn did -- they focussed on leaving what they felt was oppressive and made it work in NY.

getting increasingly bored at work

I like this song. Rather thought provoking and almost, you know, makes you sigh like this: sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… credits here Inaudible Melodies Brushfire fairytales Itsy bitsy diamond wells Big fat hurricanes Yellow bellied given names Well shortcuts can slow you down And in the end we're bound To rebound off of we Well dust off your thinking caps Solar powered plastic plants Pretty pictures of things we ate We are only what we hate But in the long run we have found Silent films are full of sound Inaudibly free Slow down everyone, you're moving too fast Frames can't catch you when you're moving like that Inaudible melodies serve narrational strategies Unobtrusive tones help to notice nothing but the zone Of visual relevancy Frame-lines tell me what to see Chopping like an axe Or maybe Eisenstein should just relax Slow down everyone, you're moving too fast Frames can't catch you when you're moving like that Well Plato's cave is full of freaks, demanding refunds for the things they've seen I wish they could believe in all the things that never made the screen And just slow down everyone, you're moving too fast Frames can't catch you when you're moving like that Slow down everyone, you're moving too fast Frames can't catch you when you're moving like that Moving Too....

cannibalism

link here: http://www.dilbert.com/comics/reality/archive/reality-20060308.html

God and the tempter

Got this off a fellow brother’s blog. Makes you think and sorta reaffirms what you’ve known all these times…   A good reminder.   Well, not actually taught, but more of reminded me of something... I reached home at around 7pm this evening. I went to the swimming pool area to see whether my parents were there or not, as it is their habit to be at the pool side chit chatting with some of our neighbours. My dad had already went up to cook dinner while my mom was still there with Candy. After sitting a while, I decided to head up 1st, but not before enticing Candy to follow me, with promise of food. You see, Candy always sticks with my mom. If I had a leash on her, I will be dragging her; she would refuse to follow me. Anyway, I moved away from the pool area & entice her to follow me. You could see Candy hesitating. On one hand (or rather paw), she wanted food. On the other paw, she didn't want to leave my mom. Well, she chose the food in the end & left my mom to follow me. Analogy: To Candy, my mom is God, & I'm probably the tempter. It reminded me that the lord of this world will use various means & temptations to lure us away from God. And God knows our weakness even more than ourselves. I was reminded of the following verse. 1 Cor 10:13 - No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. How do we know God more? How do we get more intimate with Him? It's not through prayer, reading and meditating on the Word, not through serving in church, or many "christian stuff" that we always do, although those things are good. It's about being obedient to God. The more we obey, the more we will know God and be intimate with Him. Very recently, I had faced a situation where I had a choice between doing something MY way or doing it the proper way (which most people would probably agree that this is God's way, but that can still be debatable). Well, I "knew" I could have done it MY way, & I would have prefered to do it MY OWN WAY. However, I chose to do it the other way instead. Later on, I realised that if I had done it my way, I would have failed to achieve what I wanted to achieve, due to some unforseen circumstances. I was glad to have done it the other way.   his blog: http://yschronicles.blogspot.com link: http://yschronicles.blogspot.com/2006/02/my-dog-taught-me-something.html

self-esteem issues

everyone has some.     Link here: http://www.ucomics.com/nonsequitur/2006/03/08/

stupid girl - pink - warning, this post may offend.

I’m not saying that these girls are “stupid”. They are just being themselves. And there’s nothing wrong with being TRUE to yourself. TRUE is the word. It’s something I’m trying to do everyday. Everyone got to be true to yourselves, but not to the extent of being dumb! Like Bulimia. Like getting into credit card debt to please that girl. Like “if I sleep with him, he may like me more.” Honey, if he will only like you more if he sleeps with you, because you’re being considerate to his needs, tell him to fuck it. He ain’t worth it. Same thing, fellas. Like “if I buy her that diamond, she’ll like me more.” Honey, if she’ll only like you if you buy her that diamond, because you’re getting her the attention she wanted, tell her to suck it. She ain’t worth it. Hence, if any one more person asks me to “be sweeter, talk less and wear more skirt”, you are warned. I’ll stuff your words up your ass. Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back What a paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl Go to Fred Segal, you'll find them there Laughing loud so all the little people stare Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne (Drop a name) What happened to the dreams of a girl president She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent They travel in packs of two or three With their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny tees Where, oh where, have the smart people gone? Oh where, oh where could they be? Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back What a paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl (Break it down now) Disease's growing, it's epidemic, I'm scared that there ain't a cure The world believes it and I'm going crazy, I cannot take any more I'm so glad that I'll never fit in, That will never be me Outcasts and girls with ambition, That's what I wanna see Disasters all around World despaired Their only concern Will they **** up my hair [Interlude] Oh my god you guys, I totally had more that 300 calories That was so not sexy, no Good one, can I borrow that? [Vomits] I WILL BE SKINNY (Do ya thing, do ya thing, do ya thing) (I like this, like this, like this) Pretty will you **** me girl, silly as a lucky girl Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl! Pretty would you **** me girl, silly as a lucky girl Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl! Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back Push up my bra like that, stupid girl! Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back What a paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

read in between the lines

link here: http://www.dilbert.com/comics/franknernest/archive/franknernest-20060309.html

hope = bird

As the people in the Bar may say, Where’s Bob? link here: http://www.dilbert.com/wash/pickles/archive/pickles-20060309.html

kinda like how you'll feel after an interview

link here: http://www.dilbert.com/wash/pickles/archive/pickles-20060308.html

wallet

I dropped my wallet last night. It all began in the morning. laundry girl and I were sms-ing each other about meeting up at night, or over the weekend. Actually, we had planned to meet this Sunday last week (after she kindly smsed me about my post with concern). She has been one busy bee (I know many of those, and one of the other's name starts with S-A-N-something-something heh) but she agreed to meet up. It is times like these that I feel that I still have friends, who are here for me just because we're friends, not out of obligation or what.. anyways, to cut that short, we had la mian at my favourite la mian store at BQ. We have a nice talk and stuff. Then I recommended SIX to her, where we both had tea. Tame right... heh. This is the first break I've taken seriously, and today too! But that's a story for another day. Then halfway at 6, I realised my wallet was missing. Funnily, when we left, I remember my bag wasn't fully zipped. And I did nothing about it. *smack head* the laundry girl, after her long long day at work that brought her from Suntec to Tanah Merah, went around with me tracing our steps. But funnily, I wasn't worried, and was even smilingly excited about it. Weird woman, me. But I had fun beating myself up over not leaving my IC home. Stupid woman, right? Anyway... after we went back to the la mian store, back to Six, and to the Fullerton to pee. And then, we walked around a bit more and stuff, and got a milo-peng at Mac. And then the miracle happened again. Like that time in Genting. Someone called me, and guess what? My JC mate picked up my wallet! He saw me and the laundry girl, but because we were talking, he didn't call me. And after that, he saw the wallet on the floor. And picked it up. And then saw it was mine. But he was too tired and hence he only called me when he reached home. It were strokes of luck, mini-miracles in it by itself. And the laundry girl said... you better blog about this! amen =)

family law lawyer soon!

gee, this sounds familiar

Truth is mostly relative, except when it comes to God’s absolute truth. link here: http://www.dilbert.com/comics/peanuts/archive/peanuts-20060308.html

not everyone's lucky enough to write obituaries.

sad thing is that you might have known who are they, but not who they are. Link here: http://www.ucomics.com/shoe/2006/03/09/

was it me? is it Me?

erm, t.. sorry, my social antenna just beeped. I need to know.. the person you wrote about, not me right? Just because my name got r also.. haha. I'm just stupid, so if I did something wrong, you might have to tell it to my face. Really. Because I'm not attached, and the rest (what 2 times??) isn't registering with me... but if it's me, must tell me.. cos I'm VERY stupid about this kind of things. If I gave out the wrong signal, sorry sorry... But if not, erm, haha... oops... I apologise for your problem. Because, end of day, I hope we can be friends, and that's all.

concern

a mini-flood of smses from my normally deathly quiet handphones brightened up my night yesterday. thank you, CG, for the concern. Poy, YC, Rachel, CC, GR, Jason Teo, MZ. Thanks all for the concern and prayers. do keep me in prayers. I will need them. also, a few smsed me about my previous post. thanks. I've been having this for a few years already, where fear and paranoia strike me, but never before in continuing hits, and in such frequent timings. I'm trying, I'm praying. Thanks especially to Sylvy for smsing me from her busy schedule, YC for the encouraging sms and Kim and Wilson for leaving a comment. Sandy and Dai Kor came to me in exclamation for my resignation. It's nothing, really. It's not a horribly important part of my life. I can live with it. And there are no concrete plans yet. And I'm really, really, really not bothered. the paranoia and fear spawned kids. I'm now fearing the fear and the fear comes when everything is dandy. I'm beginning to think that I'm mad, or possessed. It's not the same as when I had the demonic or disturbing images in my head, it's different. but it can consume me at night (especially) and when I'm in my room. to deal with it I go out of my room and watch tv, or lay on the recliner. this seems to be less successful recently. but whatever it is, I'll learn how to deal with it. death will come when it's time. and that's the truth. if I fear, I've have to live my whole life in it. right now I'm a bit worried about my health too. I do admit, I really want to graduate. before anyone out there says that pressure is self-given, and depression is a lie, I wanna say this to you - eat shit, and I hope you choke but survive on your green tea/beer/whisky/tofu. I'll leave. And do keep me in your prayers, please. For my health, my life, my family, my studies, my cats (which one of them is going to see the vet tomorrow), and me. It's a kinda huge selfish request, I know. please do allow me this. God bless you guys. I'll be back mid June. Any other updates will mostly be mobile entries.